Dreamers Logic

Hey Jude

2009-09-13T11:37:00.001-07:00

Alright, I know I promised you all I would spend minimal time talking abotu useless things, but YouTube is too wonderfully expansive to fall under the category of useless. Also, you all should know that over the summer I have begun to develop an unbelievable fetish for both The Beatles and Classic Rock. So, as I was surfing YouTube for Beatles material I came across this charming child- and I want you all to take a little peek at how cute he is.

At least, I think it's a he. Maybe it's a girl. I don't know.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wgrrQwLdME8&NR=1&feature=fvwp

A-Z

2009-09-10T23:40:00.001-07:00

So, in order to get on to making myself more interesting, I believe I must do the following things.

a) Spend minimal time talking about my mainstream hobbies- enjoying Taylor Swift and occasionally listening to KDWB, watching 10 Things I Hate About You, Glee and Britain's Got Talent, complaining about trivial matters like a heavy backpack or who pronounces Sophomore correctly, and how I hate my history teacher with such a passion I want to pull a Salem on her.

b) Spend more of my time reading the newspaper and paying attention to current events and listening to Anna and Gaia when they talk- not just pretending to listen. Moos. Moos is also a good resource to listen to.

c) Balance my time more evenly between the Current and 93X. I can still like my old music, I just need to get more new music too.

d) Quit Volleyball- refrain from playing Softball. Anna's right, I need more sleep.

e) Go shopping with someone other than my mother.

f) Buy clothes that I actually want to wear and will wear.

g) Spend less time doing worthless business on my computer. I do need to o that, and I can't believe I'm saying it. But I regret losing touch with all my old hobbies. I used to read like a maniac, I used to draw and paint in my free time, not use the paint app on my computer. This little piece of technology is the bane of my existence and it only gets worse.

h) The one thing I'm not going to force myself to do is be more social. I'm really becoming a bit of a loner. And I'm liking it. My mother, on the other hand, would rather pierce her bellybutton than let me drift into the introverted shell I'd kind of prefer.

On a side note about my mother, I have to start confirmation this year. I don't want to, because the youth program at my church is so lame. And so, of course, I protested. And She immediately turned to me and told me I could not be an atheist, I could not be Jewish and I could not be Muslim unless I moved out of her house and got a job to support my schooling. While I lived under her roof, I would be a goddamn Catholic.

I was so in shock I couldn't really think of a decent reply. Just that she shouldn't have lied to me as a child if she wasn't going to support anything I wanted to do later in a life.

i) learn how to stay focused and talk about a subject for a good period of time without going off on a tangent...

j) hope Mrs. Sagar's feeling ok.

k) realize that that totally had nothing to do with what I have to do to be more interesting...

l) do my homework on time and try not to forget vital pieces of paper in my locker.

m) see if I can really make a list of twenty three things I can do to be more interesting. I'm on fifteen now, i think.

n) keep telling myself that I'm not stupid and I can do things...

o) get more excited to finish my shoes in Art tomorrow.

p) encourage you guys to check out this guy I found on artistaday - he's so cool. His art reminds me of Dr. Seuss! I wish I could get him to paint my room.

q) realize that this post is going to stretch and apologize ahead of time.

r) Buy a classical cd. either off of itunes or target- and learn to recognize the basic differences between at least a few composers. My knowlege of classical music makes me sad to look at me sometimes.

s) Drivers Ed. I can't believe this came so far down on the list. My mother won't sign me up, and I can't sign myself up because I can't afford it. She says I don't deserve to drive, but I can't see it. I mean- I'm a good student in most subjects and I'm not going to fail Chinese this year- I can feel it. It's not painful anymore. And I owe it all to a Saint named Lauren Himle.

t) learn not to tell my friends secrets. i don't want to be interesting for the wrong reasons.

u) try a little harder to ignore what others think

v) try not to get so excited that I'm running out of letters.

w) Practice contour rawing more in order to surprise Mrs. Sagar with how good I've gotten at art. Contour drawing is so hard for me because I can't peek and I can't resist picking up my pencil. It's a good thing to be good at though.

y) Get my mother more into theater, art, and moving out of the suburbs. Actually, do that for all my family.

z) Promote Garfunkel & Oates's newest song! http://www.youtube.com/user/rikilind

Goodnight.

Welcome Back Bridget

2009-09-09T00:40:00.000-07:00

I absolutely adore my new playlist. Just thought I'd start off with that note.
If you don't listen to it, you should. It's delightful!
Very Folksy.

The note I was going to end with was that I'm sorry I barely updated over the summer, even though only eleven people follow me and I'm sure most of them do not check up like a bible. I certinaly didn't even feel obligated to be here for a very long time. Then I was like, Bridget, you need to get your but up and work on your blog! It is filthy and cluttered with all your freshman angst and bad, pretentious taste!

So I think I fixed it.

Which brings me to my next point. I am a sophomore. First thing about sophomore year was that I did not know how to spell sophomore. I thought it was spelled 'sophmore' for the longest time, because that's how most people say it. But I should know better by now- most of the time in the English language there are hidden letters in every word. So in Sophomore, there's a secret, extra o. Which is alright. I figured it out before Christmas break- by which time I will have turned into a hunchback. Just saying. I'll have to update my profile picture so you can tell. I will be disgustingly deformed. Why is this you're thinking? Because I have heavy textbooks. And also, in case you are now wondering, I do not carry them around for fun. I need the books that sit in my backpack. They are vital to passing my classes. Yes, I also wish I could carry less, but that is just the way the world's turning.

I'm going to try not to babble on about worthless things this year. I'm going to try to read the paper and talk about intelligent things and things that matter and things that are relevant. It's my new-school-year resolution. And I really do hope I keep to it. Maybe I can make myself more interesting in the process. There are indeed often times where I feel very... un interesting. I'd like to fix that. You're all my witnesses! I said I wanted to, and hopefully I shall.

Well, going back to my textbooks, I have a history chapter to mark up.

Goodnight.

Semi Finals 2-4

2009-05-29T09:34:00.000-07:00

Semi Finals 2-4 weren't as heart stopping. I didn't freak out as badly because I felt the talent was worse. With like- 2 exceptions.

Final 2- Sahleen Jarfagoli. The kid sounds awful. He keeps singing girl songs and I hate his little smirk. :/ AND HE KICKED OUT MD SHOWGROUP! THEY WERE SO MUCH MORE TALENTED! They did this awesome dance and they stand for this awesome message and I loved their costumes and the song....

Final 3- I called it, no suspense, no challenge.

Final 4- Callum Francis vs. @ 2 Grand. I had my heart in my throat. It was 2 Grand that won it, but they both deserved to. Oh, and Smon and Amanda voted for 2 grand before Piers could even get his vote in for Callum Francis.... I felt so sorry for the cute little kid! But Sally and John are so adorable. I can't wait to see their final performance.

My top 3-
Diversity
Shaun Smith
Hollie Steele (who hasn't made it yet but I'm sure she will unles she totally flops- her show's supposed to air tonight, 8:30 London Time.)

Bye then- Talk to you later.

Britian's Got Talent- Semi Final 1

2009-05-26T21:58:00.000-07:00

Ok, just for the record, I thought my heart was going to burst.

Let me recap. I'm going to get made terrible fun of for saying this, but it's true.

I just watched the first semi-final of Britain's Got Talent on YouTube- and OH MY GOD, this is my first season watching, and I didn't realize they only put two out of eight acts through. When they announced that I was sitting there, praying they would only eliminate Darth Jackson and Nick Hell- never dreaming they would ever possibly let Julia and Natalie and Faces of Disco go! I wanted to see faces of Disco back sooooo badly- when they took their shirts off for their very last bit I nearly melted they were so p-e-r-f-e-c-t. I had to rate the clip five stars just for that, and the fact that they started with Obama. An absolute daymaker.

When I saw Natalie cry at the end I thought I was going to cry- but I'd much rather Diveristy had gotten through, they're so insane it was absolutely incredible to watch them, every time they take my breath away, and I'm beyond sure I like this better than American Idol. Although I enjoy Simon's judging, so I'd watch either show.

Now onto Susan Boyle. I actually thought she kind of sucked- she only got the popular vote because she had a kickass audition (*coughcough* Jamie Pugh *coughcough*) an she's a frumpy woman from Scotland, so people are all like, "oh, a real star! A real person!" and so we've stuck this clueless woman under a microscope and followed her every move- all I have to say is thank god she was clueless or she would have really messed up.

Back to Faces Of Disco, do you mind if I post a picture or three? I can't get over them- they're so gorgeous they're probably gay, just to make it unfair.

Diversity was amazing, I already touched on that, Faces of Disco, see above, LOVE THEM, very disappointing, ummm... Natalie actually sort of sucked.

I hate picking on the little ten year old, but she was not good tonight. She was good, for a ten year old, but she was not good in the grand spectrum of things. She doesn't take my breath away like Hollie Steele, who's only two years older than her or so. Now she is an act I can't wait to see.

Oh alright, looking back at the playlist I missed Nick Hell. Worst act I have ever seen in my life. Is it a talent? Yes. Is it disgusting? Yes. DO I ever, ever want to see him and his fiancee on the stage again? Never in a million years. Ever. Oh god- I was right there with the judges 100%- hated the act and wished I didn't have to watch it twice.

Darth Jackson was dumb, always was, can't believe he was passed in the first place, and if her was going to do Thriller, he had to do it right.

Julia- darling... wow. Julia Naidenko. Ok- just picture a belly dancer with dirty blonde Taylor swift hair and the body of a runner combined with like D boobs and a sexy eastern European accent. This is Julia. TO her credit- she's a thousand times better than ANY of the other belly dancers that have tried, not that I can judge belly dancing by any stretch of your imaginations. I'll have to show you a few pictures of her- jealousy is a terrible thing.

Alright, I just have Sue Son left and then I'm off to bed. I bet Gaia would recognize the classical piece she played on her super cool electric violin, but I did not. It was an ok performance, Simon did not need to criticize her personality, her adorable shyness was her personality, and her striking stage presence. It was weird... It was a good piece, she performed well, but there was definitely something missing. Obviously, because she won't be joining us in the next round.

So the two acts that passed were Diversity, who I love, and Susan Boyle (there's NO WAY that's her real last name... it's too perfect) whom I am sick of hearing about and I did not think she deserved to be passed. It's a talent show, not a publicity contest.

-B

((Sorry- long post))

Sunday, May 17

2009-05-18T20:22:00.000-07:00

So I wrote a poem about my day. I got to go over to Anna's house for a few hours- it was really fun. We drank iced tea, took a little walk down the railroad tracks, found some broken pottery and took some pictures of it, went over to Lake Harriet to get some ice cream and held a small band practice- we were missing Gaia.

I showed the poem to both Gaia and Anna- they both loved it. That only happens once in a blue moon- I felt so great. Here's the poem then. I suppose you're wanting to read it.

May 17
We tried to run away
With nothing but an elephant, a camera, and a bag of broken pottery
But I’m not crazy about the lyrics the record player hummed
You write a poem, and I’ll write the story
With words written on the beaten track in permanent marker
Black against sun drenched silver
Held prisoner under the boxcar’s wheels as we slid down gravel mountains
Finding rusty bent pegs and old bits of tin
Picking broken glass from the sky
As we held lilac petals in our eyes
To fall with the sweet summer nights.

A Funny Story?

2009-05-14T22:33:00.000-07:00

I have a funny story about Greta Garbo. ((http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Greta_Garbo - for the uncultured ones))

So at winter camp (Girl Scouts- go, have your chuckle)) we get nicknames if we host the dance- meaning get it together, decorate, order pizza, dress up and everything. We of course, being the senior troop, did this and got nicknames given.

Back up so i can tell you a quick thing about my troop.

So there are three of us- me, Annah and Kayla. Kayla plays like seven instruments and she's a child prodigy and a great dancer. Annah is a pretentious actress who's pretty average- like me. She's also easily confused and she has a very thin personality- but she's one of my absolute best friends. Has been since the second (says her) or the fourth (says me. considering her stories habit- I'm so right) Anyway, but Kayla's a really good friend of mine.

Fast forward- back to the end of the dance. They paused the movie we turned on at the end and they (Nora and Heidi- our nicknamers) called the whole room into attention. They then gave kayla the nickname of Mozart as she completely loves music, I was dubbed Shakespeare for my *coughcough* amazing *coughcough* poetry. Annah (who isn't the best actress AT ALL) Gets dubbed Garbo. She's so excited that suddenly she dashes out of the dining hall (where we held the dance) and screams MY NAME IS GARBLED! (because she actually had NO IDEA who Greta Garbo was) to a group of little girls playing hand games outside the door. The four of us cracked up as the girls all watched us with confused little faces.

Anyway, that's it....

Wait! We are now the MSG troop.

So sad.

That's actually all...

I have to finish my World Religions Paper...

Zaijian...

((PS! NO MORE ZHONGWEN!!))

You know...

2009-05-13T22:09:00.001-07:00

I thought I'd do a little piece on my profile pic- since she's so darling.

I'll bet none of you know who she is-huh? Well HA! I wins it all again.

There's a song about her....!! But then again, what other fifties pinups don't have songs about them?

It's Bette Davis!

That's right

"Bette Davis eyes"

Aren't they gorgeous?

She's like a fawn....

*dreamdreamdreamdreamdreamdream....

Striped Slipper Socks

2009-05-12T20:14:00.000-07:00

Guilt is a terrible thing.
For instance, just tonight, I realized I felt very guilty

For not updating this blog very frequently.

No, honestly, I have let it down terribly. I apologize. I have let you down terribly. I have just been so uncaring lately that it's odd. I just don't want to do things I don't want to do anymore. it's like my conscious is slowly washing away, starting with the things I hate (aka- the easiest to convince me not to do) and working its way down to the things I wish to do (aka- the things I can't bear to part with) It's peculiar.

I'm not guilty about some other things though. For instance, Gaia and I had a bit of a tiff tonight via email. We just don't see eye to eye sometimes and well- take some choice words, mix in a fair amount of insults, throw it in a bot and let it boil over. Pretty soon you'll have a crusty pan and two very unhappy cooks in a kitchen full of smoke. Not sounding like the best time eh? I don't feel bad for what I said, just perhaps for the way I said it. No, I don't feel regret. Not guilt. Not remorse. What then? Bad? Do I feel bad? I don't know... I'm falling apart, bit by bit. We'll see if Gaia speaks to me tomorrow. That'll be interesting...

cocks head to the side a bit

2009-05-12T18:58:00.001-07:00

There are some days when life needs to fuck off. This is one of those days.

Stomach queasy
Heart throbbing
Brain leaking
Consciousness fading
Knees hurting

On the upside- lovely radio, 99.5.

What is the meaning of Spring Fever?

2009-05-04T06:41:00.001-07:00

If anyone bores themselves, it is me. For after all, I am the one without anything interesting to say. *sigh* I figured out I'm clinically depressed. I should be on medication for it, but I'm not. Mostly because I'm choosing not to tell my parents- who are the legal adult figurines in my life that would have to get me the proper medicine. I get even more depressed in the spring you know that? I don't hate beauty, I just hate its persistence. I mean if I didn't have to hear the birds all the time, or see the stupid buds on the stupid trees, and watch the goslings traipse their way across my back yard with their mustard brown fluff maybe it wouldn't be so hard.

But I wrote a poem. It makes me feel good about myself- at least for a moment. I have some great lines.

Cordially-
B

"Wait- this isn't right gramatically. Delete that last email."

2009-04-21T21:45:00.001-07:00

IwroteastoryIwroteastoryIwroteastoryIwroteastory!!!

Yes, it's true. I- Bridget Hannah Bradley- wrote a short story with a decent ending.

It's really brilliant I assure you.

"I got bored in Physics today." "It's a common occurence. What happened?" "This"

2009-04-20T11:15:00.000-07:00

I need to write a poem... but I'm so lost....

I had twelve packets of sugar today.

I'm not hyper- I'm just sleepy.

I'm so goofy.

I need to do my English homework.

I don't care.

"Roses are Red, Lemons are Yellow, When I smack your Ass, It jiggles like jell-o."

2009-04-19T13:34:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning and the first thing I thought was that I had seen the apocalypse.

It was the most interesting and the weirdest dream I've ever had. I saw a husband stab his kid and light his wife on fire. There was this eclipse and it was 2012 and it was living chaos and there were numbers echoing in the back of my head and I saw the psychotic character from that one episode of Fringe... and it was all very scary. I woke up at the opposite end of my bed with a splitting headache.

Now off to homework.

"Are you kidding? Asian food is so much better than grilled cheese...." "I know but I like grilled cheese."

2009-04-16T21:24:00.000-07:00

So I have China Day tomorrow--- today. We're going down to the U of M to watch a Chinese movie with a bunch of other kids who take Chinese. I'm praying there are English subtitles. I'll fall asleep if there isn't. I'm only in Chinese one after all. After the movie and after, of course,- what teacher won't ruin the fun with a worksheet? Well, its not a worksheet, it's just a sheet with discussion questions on it, but it still ruins the experience. But anyway- after all those shenanigans we get to eat at the Teahouse, which is supposedly some really good Asian food. I've never been there. I'm wearing my blue dress tomorrow. I'm very excited to show Gaia, because every time I'm really excited about what I'm wearing she disagrees with me and says it's awful.

I only wrote this up because I needed a new post and this way- when Gaia and Anna forget where I am tomorrow they can look this up- Ill be back at 2:00 guys.

Zaijian!

"He's on the tea table, I put him there myself. Wait! He's over on the wall!"

2009-04-11T14:56:00.001-07:00

I posted my first YouTube video. It's on there- I'm barely in it. That's ok, you hear my voice a lot. I'm the person behind the camera. I edited it so it looks like either a moving painting or the bus scene in Across the Universe. It features IngeniousMaybe, owlofminerva16, Mr. Moos, and Hugo Roth. You can hear Jessica and Maddy in the background. I have no idea how Maddy Taft-Ferguson spells "Maddy" there are so many ways to spell it. She could spell it Maddie, or Maddi, or Madi, or Madie, or Mady, or Maddy, or I really have no idea how else she could spell it. four out of six of those were recognized by spell check. Not Bad.

Anyway- back to the point of this post. Check out my youtube channel!

SubtleWisdom13

YouTube.

2009-04-09T20:40:00.000-07:00

YAY HORRAY BRIDGET IS SO FUN! But not so creative... here's the URL to my new youtube channel... I'll spruce it up a little bit later... I have to wait a minimum of 48 hours it seems... yes Gaia, I'll post the Moos video.... all of them.... *sigh* Here.

http://www.youtube.com/user/subtlewisdom13

Visit me. :D

I'm very happy

2009-04-07T17:24:00.000-07:00

whatever cheap mindset I was in- I think it's gone. I wrote a poem. Finally.

Day 2

2009-03-31T19:37:00.000-07:00

Hey you! Sorry, I had to put a corny rhyme in there.

So, Day 2. I'm sunburned- big time. My mother insists my flaming red cheeks are from windburn, which goes away much quicker than sunburn, but I'm not convinced. It stings man! :(

I didn't go skiing today- I went shopping. I got THE CUTEST blue dress. I can't wait to show it off.

I must cut this short, because my mother really wants me to finally do my math homework.

Bye.

Hello Mello Jello

2009-03-29T21:17:00.000-07:00

Well. I believe I have something to say today. First a Note to start off.

Anna, Grace - I'm two hours behind you.
Gaia - I'm ONE hour behind you.

Now that that's over, I have to explain it. I'm in Park City for the second half of my spring break-- I know right? Who goes somewhere COLD for their SPRING break? My parents. But whatever-- I loooove skiing, and I've barely been yet this year. Plus, I've been coming to Park City for almost five years, so I know all the "extra" stuff there is to do here besides skiing. I'm still young enough for the infamous Wednesday night Laser Tag, there's the great restaurants, unique shopping, the bookstore and the rink. I'm so happy to be here- plus, I get an awesome face tan. It's the tan without the HEAT.

Today has been so nice and chill. We got to our final hotel, and I got to go out to the hot tubs. Yes, they're outside. It also snowed today. So I went out in my little bikini and my blue towel, into the softly falling snow and twenty degree temperature, to enjoy a soak in a 100 degree tub of water.

Makes you wonder what humanity is coming to right?

I watched a movie on ABC family, and I worked on my joint story with Anna, Gaia, Grace and Brynja, even though she hasn't shown up on it in more than what- a week and a half? We kind of need her to be there, because we've got some major plot issues we have to work out... *sigh* but hey man, it IS Spring Break. I think she's in Florida with like- NO internet access. So we'll just have to see how it ends up when school rolls back around next week.

Speaking of school- guess who still hasn't peeked at her Chinese or even done her Math homework? ME! I think I'm actually sadly proud of that.

So I'm going skiing tomorrow - Yay major! We're just skiing the Park City Slopes, then I think I'm taking Tue-Wed off, because they've forecasted snow, and I hate, repeat, HATE, skiing during snow. It's so awful. I can barely see when I'm going that fast anyway, never mind with low visibility and stinging snow. SO those days we'll go into town, and maybe go shopping. I want to bring back gifts for Anna, Gaia and Georgia... to make up for their lack of Christmas presents. :( I'm such a lousy friend.

Anyway, Goodnight...

sad

2009-03-26T18:58:00.000-07:00

Anna dropped off the face of the Earth.
Brynja dropped off the face of the Earth.
Gaia dropped off the face of the Earth.

Grace, help!

Hurumph.

2009-03-23T18:46:00.000-07:00

I am ruffled. I am very very ruffled. I am also upset.

I was supposed to get together with Gaia this week. I'm a sad child. She refuses to ask her mother before she finishes cleaning her room, which she's being very slow about. I would ask Anna, but she's got her friend Neysa over (I hope I spelled that right). And she probably won't want to leave her... even though she has school... Poo.

I want to have Gaia come over. Waah.

Also, I need to do research on how the church treated lesbian women. Poomp.

I want Gaia to come over.

Tell your Mom I wish her a Happy Birthday Gaia.

Now I need to talk to you.

Please.

*sniffle*

I don't handle unhapiness well.

Website

2009-03-21T15:49:00.000-07:00

Eeeeee! I wish I had money!

http://www.modcloth.com/

Playlist

2009-03-20T17:47:00.001-07:00

Who loves my cute little ipod?

YAY!

2009-03-20T09:25:00.001-07:00

It's spring break on Friday!

...

*squeal*

While Reading...

2009-03-18T21:43:00.000-07:00

While reading my friend's blogs today I realized that I haven't bothered to update the world in awhile. I'm going to try not to do a long obnoxious list, but I might have a few miniature ones you'll just have to deal with.

We'll call this my "Deal With" list.

Number One on my Deal With list is Ryan. What the heck!?!
I know I have not spoken of my somewhat secret love in awhile, but there has been a recent breakthrough with that sarcastic bigot. So I was sitting in on AP lit again, during my free period, nestled in the comfy chair next to the coffee counter doing my English oral report sheet. Ryan and his best friend Nick Peine, (*pronounced like Pine for those of you that don't know him) He's one of those guys that always gets called by his last name. So, Ryan and Peine were getting some coffee, and Ryan was complaining to Peine about how they should just leave class and go get some real coffee, when he suddenly veered off track and asked Peine when Lent was over. I interrupted, editing my sheet and agitatedly reminding him that Lent was over at Easter. Suddenly he dropped his voice really low. Considering he was two feet away from me I listened while I was typing. He said to Peine "ah, well screw that, I already ruined it." (*he gave up sin for Lent) Peine looks at him with what I assume was raised eyebrows, because there was a silence and I heard him move. Ryan whispers "I fell in love" before they went back to their seats and he looked at me for a second. A brief second. I couldn't read his expression either. It was utterly neutral.
I immediately felt like I would barf. I wanted to throw my laptop on the ground and run to the girls room and throw up. But I took a swallow of air and calmed myself. Of course it isn't you. You don't know what he does outside school... what if he's fallen in love with a poem and he's just messing around? What if he's taking my advice and getting a girlfriend, one that... isn't me... It wouldn't have been you anyway Bridget....
And so it has continued, in one part of my mind or another. Notice I sound like I have MPD. Now he's taken to saying "real cute" and sneering at me. He's done it in two instances, but then again it's been about two days and I don't see him that often. Once I hit him with my jacket and once I wiped my chalky fingers on his sleeve. I'd like to know what's going on, but I haven't caught him alone since to try and bring it up. Plus, according to him, it's my fault that his email no longer works, for sending him more than 300 emails. Hey, he didn't clean out his inbox. Enough of this.

Item Number two on this list is to devise a way to get Gaia over to my house for a few days. I would like to just keep her in my basement for awhile. Honestly? She's agreed we should get together the first week, but I need to figure that out... we were all going to take the light rail downtown, but we'd need to coordinate that. Neither of us have cell phones.

Third. My ridiculous room/bathroom/laundry/wardrobe/desk/all things homey. It's all a disgrace. I need to clean/organize my bathroom. I need to clean my room, and organize my desktop. I should clean my closet out too, but that's so not on the plan.

Fourth. Edit my blogger layout.

And somewhere in there is my Physics paper, my Physics test, my Chinese homework, my Math quiz, my softball forms, and god knows what else.

Now you know. I don't think it's in that order though....

Art.

2009-03-15T20:00:00.000-07:00

OH MI GOD!!

Of course I'm procrastinating, but oh I found the coolest Author! Not an author, a painter! An Artist! Her name is Rene Lynch, and she lives in Brooklyn. She's an oil-on-canvas painter that uses the vulnerability of a young girl by herself in the wild to bring the scariness of growing up to light. She is so awesome! These paintings are from her "Dreaming" Series, or her "Secret Life of the Forest" Series. She was on my iGoogle's ArtistDay gadget. Look at these...

Ho Hum

2009-03-09T10:57:00.000-07:00

Ho Hum. Hum Drum.

Those are fun to type.

I am so wonderfully bored. it's almost a state between boredom and productivity. Almost a happy sort of sluggishness.

Cherry
For when cheetah eyes blend in to the reedy savanna grasses,
And you find yourself eating a cherry with a sterling spoon,
My eyes can look at the Last Duchess painted upon the ceiling,
And the sun shall rise in the west upon my blooming cheeks.

I just made that up. Am I not a happy girl today? It is almost blissful to have a gray spring day. Its a lovely medium.

Well hello there! This is Anna! I have hijacked Bridget's blog! This is fun! Wheee!

Hm... Hm... Hm... Hm... Hm... Hm...

FUCK FUCK Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck!!!!!!!

Haha! Pwned, Bridget!

New Layout

2009-03-05T21:46:00.000-08:00

I love my new Layout. It is beautiful and wonderful and all the adjectives I use on a daily basis tenfold. Do you not agree?

Dear God...

2009-03-05T10:49:00.000-08:00

DEAR GOD. Opening night is TOMORROW. Oh. Dear. Sweet. God.

Good Tuesday.

2009-03-03T19:03:00.001-08:00

It was a very nice Tuesday today. In fact, I don't know if I could call for a nicer one. Even our odd sub- Mr. Stone - wasn't a bring down in history.

Here is what I did today. I woke up peaceably, no fight with my mother about five more minutes, and took a shower. there was just enough cereal left in the box for me, and I was ready for the bus perfectly on time. I met the bus perfectly on time, and I read my book for English instead of falling asleep, (which I sometimes get made fun of for.) Then I had a successful first period, did a little math homework. Second period Physics was chill, we just worked on sanding our dragster. Third period, I was supposed to have a test. We had an awesome stroke of luck, and the Dohan decided to let us work together and use our books, then when we didn't finish the test he let us take it home for homework. WOAH. Then fourth period was chill, we didn't really do anything. Mr Almond ((another sub)) made us seem like we were, but I guess I worked ahead accidentally? W/e. Then I had fifth period free, and finished my Chinese project in Mrs. Sirriani's room. I went to sixth period history, and Mr. Stone was back again today. He tried to tech us Latin.... and I slept through half the class. I'm in the front on his left and he didn't even see me, my head down on the desk, asleep. I woke up seven minutes before the end of class, and then went to seventh period Chinese, which wasn't painful for the first time this semester. We learned a few new characters, and talked about our projects.

Then I had rehearsal after school. I had to borrow tights from Yvonne, and my Fiddler costume is totally W-A-R-M. Like, I have four layers. But Henry and Jimmy were there today. They are two of the most adorable children on the planet. Jimmy's in Pre-K and he's a little ginger, and Henry is Issac's first grade buddy, he's a blondie with a missing front tooth. I played tag with them during intermission and before the show. Hopefully Reuben and Abbey will join me tomorrow...
Rehearsal itself was great... we did alright, a few sketchy scene changes, and I missed a cue of mine, but I don't think Hegg noticed.

Now, I have no homework due tomorrow, I got ice cream after dinner, and 8:30 rehearsals start tomorrow.

OH! Of course I saved the best for last. MY GRANDMA CAME AND SURPRISED ME FOR MY SHOW THIS WEEKEND! SHE CAME ALL THE WAY FROM JERSEY TO WATCH ME IN HER FAVORITE PLAY!! I'm so excited. It was all a surprise. I screamed when I saw her...

I feel so awesome.

Hopefully not much complaining...

2009-03-01T21:08:00.001-08:00

Alright, here's some more regular posting. I am sitting here, at 11:08 pm, with my Chinese homework 90% finished, my physics note card started and my English homework beyond help. Another partially sleepless night for Bridget. I might have to be an introvert tomorrow just so I don't yell at anyone. I'll tape a notecard to my forehead. "If you talk to me I might snap at you. I don't want to be mean" I actually hate yelling at people... when I'm trying to hurt their feelings. I'll yell when I'm like, trying to convey a point, and I don't mind then, but if I'm angry I really hate myself afterwords.

For some reason, the back of my head itches.

I am wearing green shorts.

My scrapbook has pink swirls on it.

I feel like I could ramble on like that... on a teenage girl moment, Annah got an ipod touch today. I'm so jealous!! Granted, she paid for aprt of it, but that's cruel.... I want an iphone so desperately, but there is no WAY i can get straight As. It was possible auf Destuch, but forget it in Zhongwen. Whoops! I forgot the tones. Zhōngwén. I want to cry I'm so sleep deprived... I'm gonna do my homework... bye...

I have been told..

2009-02-28T21:41:00.000-08:00

I have been told I should post more often. I shall indeed try. I am indeed a confused freshman. I feel like I'm drowning. I'm silently screaming, treading thick water with the bubbles falling through my outstretched fingers, floating to the sunbeam surface. People are yelling at me from the surface, but their voices are muffled and don't make it to my ears. The water is totally still except for me. No one dives in to save me, because they think their words are enough to pull me back up. Mo one even attempts to throw a fishing line in. They just keep shouting and shouting. Some of them have asked me if they should help, but I can't respond without having water fill my lungs. Some just ignore me. The water is clear and blue. There is nothing below me but more blue, gradually getting darker. I'd imagine there's a black bottom somewhere, but I haven't made it there yet. I'm staying about seven feet below the surface, unable to breath, unable to think, just treading water for my life.

Wow I'm being a bit melodramatic. but I don't really get how else to say it. My mom's yelling at me about my Chinese grade, she complains I don't tell her about school anymore when she's quit asking me "How was school?" Isn't it some sort of mothering requirement that that happens? *sigh* Whatever though. Third Quarter is over, and now I have to work my ass off to try and get a new tutor.... SHIT! I HAVE A CHINESE TEST MONDAY!!! FUCK!! I'm so dumb.... I need to study for that, do that project, make my physics notecard, and get my fabric for English. I really hate doing Chinese homework. It's such a cool language though...

Waah. I feel like all I've done this year is complain. I'll stop now. No one comment on this please Gaia....

Mitch Hedberg

2009-02-17T21:20:00.000-08:00

Oh my god Mitch Hedberg is hilarious. I love him. I always have, and I have decided to put a little mini memorial to him here. Hilarious, St.Paul comedian.

---

"A dog is always in the push-up position................. That joke is dumb, I'm aware of that."

"I think a rotisserie is like a really morbid Ferris Wheel for chickens. It's a strange piece of machinery. We will take the chicken, kill it, impale it and then rotate it. And I'll be damned if I'm not hungry, because spinning chicken carcasses make my mouth water."

"Advil has a candy coating. It's delicious. Then it says on the bottle, do not have more than 2. Well than do not put a candy coating around it."

"Hey, I was gonna get my teeth whitened, but then I said fuck that, I'll just get a tan instead."

"I like rice, rice is great when your hungry and you want 2,000 of something."

"I like the American-Canadian border because if you're walking with a friend and you push your friend into Canada they can't push you back right away because first they have to go through customs."

"I called the hotel operator, she said how can I direct your call? Well you can say action. And I wil begin to dial. And when I say goodbye you can yell cut."

"Hey if you have to sleep count sheep, don't count endangered animals- you will run out."

"I imagine if you could understand Morse code, a tap-dancer would drive you crazy."

"I find that duck's opinion of me is very much influenced by whether or not I have bread."

"I like to take a toothpick an' throw it into the forest and say 'you're home'!"

"I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later."

“I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.”

---

RIP 2005.

What.

2009-02-12T20:44:00.001-08:00

What. A statement, not a question. This is my life right now. I have stopped caring. I am a what with a period. And that is not because I'm a girl. I'm talking strictly grammar.

So I hate Chinese. I hate it. I hate language, really. There will be these brief moments when it clicks for me, but other than that I'm mystified. I don't think it helps that I sometimes lose sight of what the teacher is saying, because I get wrapped up in her individual words and her accent and what each word means and how poetic all words are... then I find myself leading a train of thought onto the floor, outside the room, down the hall and out into the cold wet mush, out to the railroad tracks, and off into the unknown. My train of thought is a little red steam locomotive by the way. The Daydream Express.

More to the point, I think I may be failing the class. Dammit. Here's where I get more to my point. I don't really care if I fail that class. Hell, I could care less if I failed that class. But the consequences, not from the school, but from my parents, would be devastating. They would take me out of the play. Right out. The musical I love doing, that I've have been working so hard on. My efforts would be for nothing. I can't let that happen. I would cry. I would honestly never speak to my mother again. I would go straight home and lock myself in my room until summer comes.

Devistating.

My mother also wants me to keep doing sports. She doesn't understand that the more I start to realize who I am, the more I find myself shying away from sports. I'm your stereotypical "misunderstood poet" thus far, and that just does not fit who I am. I'm also not looking forward to softball at all. It makes me sick to my stomach to think that I will have to go run and hit and catch when I could be singing and dancing and acting. That's my true passion. My mom knows that, but she insists that I won't be well rounded if I don't play a sport. I don't want to play sports anymore. I want to act. She insists that she supports me, but if she did, she would let me quit sports wouldn't she?

I want to cry writing this. It's so painful to say.... I can't bear to let that happen to me... I'm crying, look at this.... I don't want to play sports.... I want to be on that stage.... I want to act....

This is the only thing I'm passionate about besides poetry and literature. If it doesn't have to do with that, screw it. I couldn't care less. I know what I want out of life. Why is my mom getting in the way of that?

My Dear Watson...

2009-02-11T20:38:00.000-08:00

Wow. I've taken forever. New blog posts? Hum. Well, there has obviously been much ado. But about nothing? We shall see...

Random Ditties:

- I am NOT a TOTAL sadist. Just a partial one.
- I have wimpish tendencies.
- I may indeed one day be a good actress.
- My writers block is gone.
- I have decided to revise my theory about music and inspiration. This strictly applies to emo poems that come from songs. I believe I would be fine with any other sort of... inspirement.
- I'm kind-of a creep...
- I miss Mr. Moos when he's not at school.
- It takes me far too long to notice when my friends are sick.
- I miss Ryan's emails.
- I love Graffiting ((Facebook))
- I desperately hope Mango visits this summer. That would be absolutely awesome.
- I dislike books written in any stylistic English that belongs anywhere before 1930... But I read them anyway. They're good stories.
- I have discovered several itsy scars (?) on my arm from Sota-bear.
- Sota will be 1 in May. It's unbelievable.
- Nick broke up with Alyssa. Finally!
- Snowdays wasn't too fun.... strangely enough, I don't feel too bad about it though. It was so sketchy! like, seven people went home with like, food poisoning!! I felt sick, Georgia felt sick, Talia, Ben ((but he had the flu)) Athena, Yvonne... odd. Do the lunch ladies hate us as much as they seem to? Hmmm...
- Ummm...
-I'm a chronic Liar. Chronic, Gaia, means I can't just stop.
- I like this song called Trouble by NeverShoutNever! It's awesome. I officially love Indie music.
- I love fountain pens. They are so much fun.
- I am not a cat person.
- Nothing means more to me than poetry, and proving myself with it.
- My heart breaks over the funniest things.
- And the littlest things can build it up again...
- I'm really just going to keep hating Chinese... and I can't wait until Wang laoshi goes on maternity leave. I don't mean to be hurtful, but somehow the whole pregnant women hormones are getting to her... and coming out at us. In the form of unfair homework. To quote Meg Cabot - "That's what happens with cookie dough ice cream and too much Law & Order. It warps your brain man."
- I think short is cute.
- I love Clarissa's bangs
- I hate Gabrielle Mashaal's attitude
- Sweet Clementines are good.
- Lying is fun, but not if it can possibly lead to your suspension.
- I am not a fascist yet.
- I dislike having my works of poetry being compared to an artist's paintings. Any artist. It's almost like stereotyping.
- I find it difficult to title poetry
- Snickerdoodles have been partially ruined for me
- Mr. James is a dear little man, if a bit scatter-brained
- Sylvia Plath is an AWESOME poet.
- My graduating class is filled with hockey playing, Hollister wearing, whorish, normal people. They get us in trouble. Why? I wish I knew why people REALLY did that stuff
- I wish I wasn't such a hypocrite. I thank you Gaia, Georgia and Anna for grounding me.
- I love rehearsal
- Mackenzie and Silas are so cute together!!
- American Idol is awesome. But I can't believe Tatiana made it! She's a dramatic little bitch!! And Jamar didn't!! His "Hey There Delilah" was awesome!! -seeths- ((Side Note: Anna Power and Jo March, you both have your addictions too. Zip it.))
- I want to be fashionable. So badly.
- I might be pretty...
- I hate when people glare. It's just as rude as staring. In fact it's worse. Just don't.
- Ted Hughes is a bastard.... good poet, but a bastard.
- I'm in love with our pencil car!! (( *wink, wink* ))
- Strawberries taste good, even in the middle of the winter.
- Pictures are fun!
- I just adore making new friends. I really do. Especially when they're like me!
- The Harvest Prep girls really are cute little things. Cute little leeches with monster attitudes.
- "Hi, my name is Bridget. I'm a Facebookaholic."

And I'm sorry I took so long to get around to this...

Lots of Love and Care,
-B

My Snowdays Dress!!

2009-01-27T17:40:00.001-08:00

I AM SO EXCITED THAT EVEN CAPS LOCK CANNOT EXPRESS MY JOY!!!

I

Found

the

P-e-r-f-e-c-t

dress.

It's amazing. It's purple, and shiny and smooth, with a bubble skirt, spaghetti straps and OH MY GOD I'M GONNA LOOK FANTASTIC!! I just need the shoes...

The Swearing in of the 44th President

2009-01-20T18:29:00.000-08:00

Guess who got sworn in today? BARACK OBAMA!!! W00T!!

Obama's speech was awesome. I'm so excited!! Sasha and Malia looked so cute too!! I liked their little dresses. I saw Michelle and Barack's first dance as first lady and commander in chief. It was so cute! Michelle's dress was yellow and ruffl-y and looked so good against her pretty skin.

It was incredible. We had our symposium today and we conga-lined all over the chapel. It was awesome, I have a henna tattoo on my hand, A little clay pot for my tea candle, and we all have a new President of the United States of America. It's things like this that give me hope for America. Georgia still wants to move to Asia. Damn you for ruining my patriotic mood.

Speaking of damn you, damn you Ryan Schultz. I will have a good time with my life, which will be amazing regardless of your stupid coin toss you lousy bird dog. -insert hearty scowl- Also, there is no way on God's green earth you can pick up Lorentz Aberg and no way in Hell (where I'm sure you'll end up) you would throw him over the balcony.... at me.

Also, I lost my hat. My amazing, pin-striped, black and white top hat. I left it in the gym before lunch and after school it was gone. I WAS SO PISSED and I started to cry a little during rehersal today. I loved that hat....

I believe that's all. I had Pei-Wei for Dinner. Yum! :P

I think I make myself nervous on purpose....

2009-01-16T11:02:00.000-08:00

I got my schedule for MLK Day today. Block C makes me nervous.

((If by chance someone who is unfamiliar with any of the content of my life stumbles upon my blog, MLK Day stands for Martin Luther King Day, which is a day in January celebrating a really incredible black man that helped our country become unified. At Breck we have that day off (Like the rest of the country) but on Tuesday we don't have normal classes, but we do an MLK Day symposium. We will watch the Inauguration, and then have 3 other "classes" that you can take.))

Here's My Schedule:

Block A: Arranged Marriage? Room 101, Mrs. Walsh
Block B: Inauguration: Theater
Block C: Anxiety and Depression, Black Box, Mr. Hegg
Block D: Hindu Art, Room 206 Ms.Garg/ Mrs. Langlois

Pay Special Attention to Block C. See the teacher? Who is that? Right! Mr. Hegg, Drama Guy.
The attendance for Block C is 90% scary upper classmen.... and Kuper, and SCHULTZ.
It makes me nervous. What if we end up acting? I can't do that in front of them. If I do a bad job I KNOW Ryan will make fun of me later. If I conceivably do a good job, I know I won't upstage Lorentz, but maybe someone else? That scares me SO MUCH its not even funny. Both aspects...
But we're not supposed to.... there will be poetry, discussion, etc.. That's something I can do.

I guess just being in the same room as Schultz makes me giddy.... with what I'm not sure anymore...

Tuesday

2009-01-13T20:43:00.000-08:00

*head splitting*

*headdesk*

*head splitting*

*profanities*

*bang knee*

*more profanities*

*shouting, giggling*

*ow*

*head splits*

*face door*

*owowowowowowowow*

*forehead throbs*

*head splits*

*knee hurts*

*shouting, giggling*

*owowow*

*walking*

*bell*

*OW!*

*strings of profanities*

*pushing, shoving*

*head splitting*

*giggling, shouting*

*ow*

---

And all before lunch. Crazy right? Its a wonder I didn't just break down in tears. It was the worst Tuesday EVER. Tuesdays are just bad period, because there is nothing to prevent me from going to Math for another 45 minutes, but to make today worse I had a splitting head ache, a few of my friends are on their period, and I'm losing touch with my writing. I want to just break down in tears. Ever heard "Thinking Out Loud" by Lesley Roy? It's a lot like how I feel. That and "Love Remains The Same" by Gavin Rossdale. Check 'em out. They're below!!

I have to go take a shower and try to come up with a poem for English. G'night.

Fakeness.

2009-01-13T10:33:00.001-08:00

Why am I so fake? Why can I spin a lie out of nothing and go along with it with absolutely no conscience? Its disturbing. I'm too convincing. Worst of all, there isn't anyone who realizes that I'm faking. No one knows me well enough. It makes me want to cry. I could fake my own death like Agatha Christie if I wanted to. except I'd hide myself more cleverly than she did. A Motel? Honestly?

Maybe I'll just stick my head in a gas oven. -sigh-

*head splitting*

I have the worst headache. There I go again. I'm very sleepy, granted, but I'm actually fine. I was in bed at midnight, and I woke up at 6:30. No problem. I was warm and snugly all night even. I had on 3 blankets and It felt nice and warm. Wonderful.

I need to stop lying. Hanna was absolutely right. I'm a chronic liar. It's who I am. I actually can't remember the last time I told the truth. It makes me sick to my stomach. I feel like I just got sucker punched in the gut.

Gaia calls me honest. She calls me real. I'm not sure if this makes me want to hug her or slap her. I want to think I'm honest, maybe I'm not lying. Maybe it feels like lying because I don't know what my opinion is? What I feel? How I should act? I don't want normality, but It would help me immensely as far as stress goes if I could simply stop over-analyzing things. Also, if I didn't have to take math. That would be nice too.

I wish someone could come face to face with me the next time I'm lying, and with a straight face and serious intention, ask me if I'm being truthful.

Don't I have a tell? I hear all liars have tells. What happened to me? When you lie a large ammount does your tell fade out, because if your mind can't tell the difference between truth and lies, how can your body?

I barely know anything anymore.

Salty Dog Lyrics

2009-01-11T17:20:00.000-08:00

Salty Dog lyrics

I'll wait for you till I turn blue
There's nothin' more a man can do
Don't get your bollocks in a twist
Settle down, don't take a fit
Ya drank with demons straight form Hell
They almost nearly won as well
Ya wiped the floor with victory
Then puked until you fell asleep

Blackened was the banshee's wail
These boot will never fill her jail
So you crawled into an empty boat
For the Gulf of Mexico
Till Cortez came an' when so did you
From the ashes charred and blue
Smellin' like a Salty Dog
Back from Hell where you belong

Anarchy, the scourge of every sea
The Antichrist aboard a rig
With us your cutthroat thieves
The ship went down we all near drowned
Ya stood there on the deck
Till the Spanish came and flogged yer arse
And dragged you from the wreck

They threw a rope around yer neck
To watch you dance the jig of death
Then left ya for the starvin' crows
Hoverin' like hungry whores
One flew down plucked out yer eye
The other he had in his sights
Ya snarled at him, said leave me be
I need the bugger so I can see!

----

I just love this song, and the part about Anarchy reminded me of Anna Power. :) ILY girl!

Mourning Morning: A Poem

2009-01-10T18:37:00.000-08:00

Rolling timely down the river
Sliding softly upon the water
I watch and take a slow drawn breath
Sundays are for mourning, daughter.

I tell you all to cry out now
In years I hear our children screaming
I hear them shout out all your names
In pain and writhe, the gates are teeming,
We’re all impassioned in fire and fear
Burning immortal wraiths to be
I say it once; I’ll say it here
Think wisely now, the ground is thin
If not ‘tis me you see to praise
Then I warn you now you foolish men,
Quickly numbered are your days.

I tell you on a mourning Sunday
I procrastinate no more
I shout to heaven and stand in hell
Rubbing my arms for I’m so sore
From carrying all the troubles of ‘morrow,
I stood in the sidewalk and brushed aside,
I washed entire seas away
My reflection in their mourning tide.

You’ll ask of me the devil’s work,
For down in hell we’re all repaid,
You’ll ask me where the saviors lurk,
Your face is taut, your voice afraid,
On Golgotha you will stand for me,
Screaming, dying, dead with rage
You’ll lose your prize just wait and see
Lucifer’s naught concerned with pain,
He’ll see your death, look in my eyes
Upon this Sunday morning.

Robert Frost: My Love!

2009-01-09T18:22:00.000-08:00

"Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening"

Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village, though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.
My little horse must think it queer 5
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.
He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake. 10
The only other sounds the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.
The woods are lovely, dark, and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep, 15
And miles to go before I sleep.

In the Library...

2009-01-09T11:16:00.000-08:00

Well, FAIL.

I just got kicked out of Moos's room. Nick stole my seat. Granted, Moos has class then, and granted, I'm not in any of his classes, but I've been sitting in there for like, oh I don't know how long, umm... since 2nd quarter? Longer than I'm sure any other freshman has...

May Nick Peine have his own personal plague and start itching in places he cannot reach! Omen! -spit-

Its an edited line from Fiddler. Its actually his line.

Oh my goodness, the play is going absolutely great! Hegg had the best day yesterday, and we were all in such an awesome mood. We staged The Dream... that's cool. I love being short, which for that one puts me in the front mostly. There's this one scene when Tevye's out on a small block, and all of the 'townspeople' crawl out onto the balcony as ghosts, creeping on Tevye. They short part is cool for me because I'm on the bottom front, which means I get to do all this spidery cool crawling stuff.

Anyway, I have to finish that damned Chinese crap.

Tradition!
-B

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tm6cqpJvsT4&NR=1
PS, this is epic.

2009. Ok.

2009-01-03T21:50:00.000-08:00

Its a new year. Yay? I mean, I'm all for the happiness and greetings. But it stops there.

Everyone making resolutions to make themselves better? Whats that about? Honestly? I have to make myself better? What if I don't like to? I'm a generally lazy person with a nagging conscience. I wish I was more proactive, but I'm actually not. More to the point, a new holiday isn't going to make me be that way. Not even a new year, because you see it doesn't actually feel new when January 1 is EXACTLY as snowy and cold as December 31.

Everyone staying up until midnight to watch some ridiculously large glittery ball drop down a pole? Umm, I'll pass. Its a good excuse to stay up late with friends, but other than that I see no point to it. Its a nice way to stop traffic in Times Square. I really can't think of a good reason...

New Years? Why must we have years at all? I actually would hate not having them. Ok, let me revise this. Why do we have to watch how old we're getting? Why does age matter so much? I always have to DEAL with this... god... I mean, why can't school be based on intelligence? You go to elementary school like you're supposed to, so you can pick up the whole 'life skills' and everything that you need to develop other intelligence, then you take a test in 5th grade that determines what grade you go to. Then you progress with your knowledge, not your age group.

Personally I'd like to be with the people who are just as intelligent as I am. I'd probably be with my same friends... because we're all smart... but I bet we'd all be juniors with our intellect... hehe. Ok, but honestly, does that not sound like a good idea?

I'm starting to ramble, so I'll say farewell for now. Since it is a New Year, and there's actually nothing I can do to change that, I realize I'm being cynical and pointless.

Goodnight, and Happy 2009.

Greetings fellow Earthlings

2009-01-02T20:23:00.001-08:00

YAY! HAPPIE NEW YEAR HAPPIE NEW YEAR! LALALALALALA!! HAPPIE NEW YEAR HAPPIE NEW YEAR YAY! LALALALALALA!!

Updates on my Life!!

2008-12-23T20:33:00.000-08:00

I haven't written in awhile. I guess I have some updates to give, don't I?

Well, I made it into the play!! I'm a daughter, which basically says what part I sing in the chorus. AKA, the daughter's part in 'Tradition' which is such a cool song. I also sing in 'Sunrise Sunset,' and that's all I know so far. Rehearsal doesn't start until Monday January 5th, which I when I get back to school. Can you believe that? I get MORE than 2 WEEKS off for Christmas!! Its insane!! EPHS gets about 5 days and a week, and over in PA my cousins Dylan and Amanda's break goes from Dec 24 to Jan 5. TOTAL RIP-OFF!! Insanity. Just stupid Insanity.

Oh, and I figured out that our tyrannical superintendent, Melissa Krull, just got her contract renewed. FOR ANOTHER 3 FUCKIN' YEARS!!! Most of my readers do not understand just what this means. It means, my friends, that the woman who took holidays out of the elementary schools, who bashes a fifth grader to his face at a school board meeting, who is outright rude, who promises things that she doesn't deliver, and who is so straight up republican and insists that no child left behind is good, TAKES AWAY ALL EXCELLERATED PROGRAMS!! For you native Eden Prairieians, that's KEY, Excellerated Math, UMPTYUMP (Spelled correctly? That won't be open to anyone below 7th grade) and she wants to, get this, OPEN UP A PRE-SCHOOL ON THE BOTTOM LEVEL OF OAK POINT AND PUSH 5TH GRADE BACK TO ELEMENTARY SCHOOL!! WITH THE FULL-DAY KINDERGARTNERS STILL IN THE BUILDING!!! THERE ISN'T ANY ROOM!!! THEY'RE ALREADY STICKING 35 CHILDREN IN EACH CLASSROOM!! WHAT ARE THEY GOING TO DO NEXT??? 3 YEARS IS ENOUGH TIME FOR HER TO COMPLETELY DESTROY AN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL SYSTEM THAT WORKED SO WELL I ONLY HAVE GOOD MEMORIES OF IT!!! ITS ALREADY MESSED UP! *deep breaths* Mellie (Thats what my mom calls her..) makes me soooo angry....

I got a new haircut on a more pleasant note. I got legit BANGS, like bowl-cut bangs, except they're scruffy and really cute :) I went shopping with my mom-mom when I went out to see her this past weekend, and got a really cute top from H&M. Its a black and white sweater that looks soooo cute!! And I went shopping with my cousin Hallie when i saw her this weekend, and we went to dEliA*s and I got an amazing sweatshirt that's designed to look like a blue-and-grey pinstriped tux and a black t-shirt to go with it. I also got a new hat. Its a black and white pin-striped fedora. It looks amazing, and I am especially happy with that.

You heard me mention that i saw my mom-mom and a few of my cousins this past weekend... that's because my dad got the great idea to take me out east with him a couple of weeks ago. It was a surprise for all the people but the people I'm staying with. We had to tell my Aunt Colleen, my Aunt Kim and Uncle Chris, and my Mom-mom herself. But other than that, I was able to surprise the majority of people. I was able to surprise my cousins Hallie, Josh, Lexi, Ella, Sarah, Madison, Logan, Reily, Wayne and his wife Megan, and Beth Lynn and her Boyfriend Todd. I was able to surprise my Great-Aunts Kathy, Sally and Uncle Alan, Chrissy and Uncle Bruce and Mary Beth. I was able to surprise Grammy and Great Grandmom. I was able to surprise my aunts and uncles: Aunt Amy and Uncle George, Aunt Lauri and Uncle Jason, and Aunt Karen and Uncle Dale. After I covered my Dad's side, I went to stay with my Mom-mom, and my mom's majorly dis-functional family. My aunt's in a boatload of dirty Philadelphia trouble involving a divorce, some suspect cheating activities, an abusive relationship, and a seriously messed up seventh grade cousin. I got to sleepover with Amanda and go shopping with her the next day (she skipped school for me... gotta love Uncle Peter... he got the house and custody of the kids) I also got to see Dylan the night before, he came over after Hockey practice. We get along so well... he's a Junior.

I think I covered everything... It was nice chatting again... My blog's all decked up for Christmas again!! Christmas Eve is tomorrow!! I'll report back later!!

"I've been thinking maybe I've been partly cloudy,
maybe I'm overcast or maybe all my luck's
washed down the drain...."

-B

-Ugh-

2008-12-14T20:36:00.000-08:00

I'm still sick. My nose makes me sound funny, my cheeks are flushed, but I'm taking some meds so my throat's all better. I still have these pounding migraines, and my nose actually has a pulse. gross. Finals week is an injustice.

Speaking of Finals, I finished my physics note card. Its epic. And due tomorrow. I'm debating weather or not to do the history extra credit.. I haven't looked at the time since six... OH MY GOD ITS ALMOST 11 O'CLOCK. I actually legitimately just figured that out. Holy snap. Maybe I'll stay up and do it anyway though...

I also have heard rumors of a snow day. I would fall down on my knees and thank god, because I feel so gross, but will have to go to school anyway. Its -18 degrees out right now you know, and the high tomorrow is -5. Oh wow. We're so close... I don't want to walk to the bus-stop tomorrow morning. The wind is blowing ice crystals across our deck, so it looks like solid wind. I can't see our neighbors house, or the lake. Once you get to the hill, you'd be a goner. I hope there are no men out in their ice houses right now....

With love to the world and a prayer to god,
-B

>.<

2008-12-12T07:46:00.000-08:00

I'm sick. I have a sore throat, and every time someone makes me laugh, I cough. I also can't take really deep breaths. God my throat is burning. I wake up with it very morning... my mommy dearest insists its from the dry air.... but then it wouldn't happen every morning. AND EVERY TIME I GET TO PHYSICS CLASS I NEED TO SNEEZE!! Its not even a timing thing.... I swear I'm developing like, an allergy to latex or something!! because I actually don't have any sort of problem anywhere else than in the science room. whatever, its not like I have a compulsive sneezing issue.

No callback list this morning. Now I have to wait until Monday to see the final cast list... -gulps- I'm so nervous!! :) I'm so excited!! :) :) I just can't wait period.....

Did I also mention I have a stomach ache and should not be here at school writing this? Just throwing that out there....

-headache....-
-B

Auditions.... -fingers crossed-

2008-12-10T20:37:00.001-08:00

Well I had auditions today. Auditions for our school musical... Fiddler On The Roof!! Just one of my favorite musicals of all time!! Mr. Hegg (The director) and Mrs. Doering (The choir director... I think I spelled that right...) had us girls sing "Matchmaker" for our singing audition, and we read as Tzeitel (Tevye's eldest) and as Golde (Tevye's wife.) The boys had to sing "Miracle of Miracles" and read as Tevye and Motel (Tzeitel's best friend and hopeful husband.) Mr. Hegg wanted to see how we handled the older characters and the younger characters. It was only a Freshman and Sophomore audition day, so it wasn't too long or intimidating.

As for my personal audition, when I went to sing I did my best, but I had such a severe case of drymouth because of how nervous I was (this was my first Breck audition) that I think I came out too soft. When I went to read as Golde (Mr. Hegg did the older characters first) I read with Jet, who's a pretty darn good actor and a Sophomore. At the very end I muddled it up though. He had to say "I don't want to talk to him, all he wants is my new milk cow." and my next line was "Talk to him!"

I thought his line was "I don't want to talk to him." so I interrupted, shouting, "Talk to him!" and apparently making a very scary face, because he did something Tevye wasn't supposed to. He backed away and finished it off nicely, "Alright.... after the Sabbath.... I'll talk to him."

For the next part I read with Ruben, a Sophomore boy as well. It was surprisingly not awkward, considering it was a semi-intimate scene with Motel and Tzeitel. I think I did really well on that one. There were a few crazies in my group, some girls who were a little *hem hem* if you catch my drift. Overall, I think it went well... because I heard some people mis pronounce words and one or two other people cut off a bit of another actors words.

I own the movie, and I wish I'd seen the play. It won a Tony for crying out loud! Mr. Hegg says its his favorite too.... I hope, regardless of the odds, I somehow get to speak by myself. I'm not asking for a part with a name, but I would very much like to have something that distinguishes me from the crowd. I'd love to be Chava, the third daughter, who loves books and gets in the most trouble by marrying outside the religion. But I'd love to be in just all the same. Everybody cross your fingers for me! Callbacks are on Friday! I'll post again.... oh I have a migraine from all of this excitement and worry....

To Life!
-B

In over my head

2008-12-09T15:31:00.001-08:00

Oh my god. Do you ever ask anyone to tell you a secret, then they swear you to secrecy? I had one of those today. My friend, we'll call her "Tess" (because I don't know anyone named Tess) but anyway, Tess told me that she and Mandy (Another name I know no one by) went to take a pregnancy test today. Mandy isn't pregnant though. But Tess. Poor Tess. Tess is pregnant. She was so scared when she told me.... oh my god. Her eyes were wide and she sat still as a stone. I wish Mandy had been the pregnant one. It would have been so much easier. I'm the only one who knows... and now I'm scared shitless. What will her mother think?? Insanity.... is like, her mom's middle name. She's like, a perfectionist to the 10th degree. I can't imagine... being pregnant... having sex in ninth grade! I don't know who the dad is.... oh but I don't want to. I do and I don't. It would make my life so much harder and it would be a lot harder to keep the secret. It's something I'm determined to do.

I also have a crush on someone. Someone WAY out of my league. WAY beyond. He's a senior. He's an amazing poet. He's an actor. He wrote me this. It was for me. his exact words "Sleep well, this is for you."

City of Saints

This land between your place and mind

That hints the end of broken dreams,

Walk with me through empty streets

Together—that’s what twilight means

At the tower’s fatal height

Feel the wind rush through your hair

The freedom bought with empty might,

Of worlds lost in their despair

Of places that will mean the night

To wander where all lights are stars

To fall and fall again to fight

And live beyond the sound of cars

Each alone, we watch the sea

The shadowed ocean sounding loud—

But do you ever dream of me,

Or is home amongst the clouds?

I freaked out! because I actually did end up dreaming of him last night. He's so wonderful.... and funny, he's beyond hot (but in a different, non-mainstream kind of way) and he's so nice. He loans me books, and we have major poetry exchanges. He's completely anti-freshmen though. He makes jokes about it sometimes, and he calls me his apprentice. But the poem... and today i was out in the hallway, during the passing time for Senior/Junior Lunch, and he comes up behind me and scares the life out of me, whispering that "now I know where you locker is." Because he always says he's going to put certain books in there. (One time I sent him the same poem by accident, and he threatened me with Harry Potter Number Five and Scores of Stephen King) I just don't know... he's not readable at all. I don't know.

Its the week before finals. YEEEEEEEEEEE-ikes I'm so freaked out, but I haven't started studying yet. I'm so stupid. I can't do this. I can't do this. -paper bag- I want my apathy back! I had the best apathy in 8th grade!! I want it back! I hate this caring!!

"Shoot for the moon, even if you miss,
you'll land among the stars." -Anonymous
-B

Theater Masks: A Poem

2008-12-08T18:48:00.000-08:00

Theater Masks

Hide your face,
Draw the spotlight
Hide the scars,
Recite the fires,
Hide your sanity,
Spin the yarn,
Show your feeling,
Sing from your heart,
Don’t hide your eyes,
We drink in the poison,
We tell all the lies.

Hide your face,
Turn to the dark.
Listen to the words,
Drink in the feeling.
Then kiss with passion,
Mask on skin.
Happy then sad
Merely a different face.
Frown to smile
Footsteps to trace.

Hide your face,
Run from the spotlight
Jump from the stage,
Just turn the page.
Break a leg
Or an arm
Or both
Recite the words
Recite the words
The feeling
The feeling
Get up!
Don’t look,
Don’t kiss,
Don’t think.

Get up!
Don’t talk.
Don’t bleed,
Don’t blink.

Crawl back up,
The tensions been mounting
Crawl back up,
Your seconds we’re counting.

Hide your face,
The spotlight has found you
The stage is red
The mask is pale
An evil man smiles
A rope of entrails
In both of your minds,
You do not agree
But we all can see,
how you think you're free.

The dark side of the theater,
Will claim all of thee
Then you shall see
What hell can be.

Wicked.... Wicked!

2008-12-07T15:52:00.000-08:00

I went to the 1:00 showing of Wicked at the Orpheum Theater in Minneapolis today. Georgia (a new friend from Breck) well, her dad had an extra ticket and she asked me if I wanted to go. I said yes immediately, and if i had said anything different I would have been completely STUPID. It was incredible. I'm keeping the Playbill FOREVER!! I always want to remember it. Oh was it ever incredible! The Actors are doing one more show tonight, then they're going to their next city. We saw their second to last show. And imagine, it was snowing. Oh, it was pure magic. It was such a sad story... Oh, so true, and so sad! The story is all about the Wicked Witch of the West, and what really happens in the Wizard of Oz, from the Witch's point of view. She was the green daughter of the governor of Munchkin Land, and he hated her. Her name was Elphaba. He had another daughter, Nessa Rose, and his wife dies in childbirth. Nessa is born early, with her legs "all tangled up" So when we meet her, she's in a wheelchair. They both go to school together, Elphie and Nessa, and Elphie's rooming conditions are confused, and she ends up sharing a room with, guess who? Glinda! Glinda as in the future Glinda the Good. The Good witch of the North? Yea. They actually become best friends, and its all about how the really nice person that really is Elphaba, not the Wicked Witch.

The singing was incredible, and the acting was phenomenal. I'm so jealous... I want to do that so badly. But I'm not talented enough. I should be content with just doing High School theater... ok, but I'm not. I love to write, but I don't have the same passion for writing as I have for acting. Putting on a great show is what I live and breathe for. In fact, I'm pissed that I couldn't do fall drama, because I was doing Volleyball. I love Volleyball... but I love Theater just as much. How on Earth do you choose between your passions? -sniffle- I'm going to cry... So I'll go...

Defying Gravity,
-B

Untitled Poem

2008-12-07T15:34:00.000-08:00

Trying to catch the wind can kill,
And when sleeping under the stars,
Think of all the lives that passed,
How may people have tried to fall.

When geniuses go down in flames
And when jesters rule us all
We’ve arrived in heaven then
And we’ll suddenly be sick

I’m sitting in a pit of dirt
Listening to the nightly news
I hear this from him and that from her
I stop and stare at my shoes

I wish to sit and count the chances
That passed me over the years
And I wish to return to the seashore now
And keep the worst behind the tears

I could sell my soul with sand dollars
And give myself away
Be miserable and stuck in a cage
Packed nice and away for days

The sun goes down on my night today,
And I’m thinking like a child,
I’ll retire right now and lay down my head
Falling restless down the Nile.

Jaded: A Poem

2008-12-06T20:25:00.001-08:00

To travel the world,
Le Grand carnival,
Is not a treat,
Nor two feet tall.

The world was always small,
And always getting smaller,
No room to breathe and how?
Corners all tucked taught now.

The world is set,
A fragment of time
With oceans strong,
All mysteries unwind.

With the culture and dancing,
The music and the day,
The clothing and the customs,
The pots made of clay.

I say the world is much the same,
Owing none its dues,
I say the world is different now,
Thanks to none of yous.

I say that our world has a voice,
Who listens I do not know.
I say that our world has a face,
I say it’s hard to show.

I say that no one can make a difference,
You have to fix it all alone,
I say that you just do whatever you want,
The cultures will all atone.

When touring the world,
One thing to remember,
Of everywhere on this earth
You are not a member,

If you speak out
Against another,
Remember that we,
Are all one in another.

We’re colorless together,
Just flesh and just bone,
Because with all this color,
We become afraid and alone.

Just look at your neighbor,
You may disagree,
But we’re all held to standards,
I hope you all see.

Who cares if he’s black,
Or who cares if she’s white?
He’s the color of rust,
Which shouldn’t be a fright.

When touring the world,
Keep an open mind,
You might see something different,
A truly great find.

I’m fed up with this now,
And I will not hit save,
Because you already know this,
And I’ve dug my own grave.

Um dee dee do do do do

2008-12-04T07:25:00.000-08:00

I'm in Physiology... aka gym and nutrition class. They just make it sound fancy. I'm bored. We're reviewing the food pyramid. Both of them. waahhh! Someone help me!! This is a worldwide distress signal!! WE-OH-WE-OH-WE-OH!!

(that was a siren, for the record) -sniffle-

Sadness

2008-12-01T19:37:00.000-08:00

A girl in a yellow coat burst out her back door, charging into her woods. She had a mission on her mind, no matter how long it took her. She had woods in her back yard, and she would prowl around until she found what she was looking for. She went from tree to tree, from front yard to back, and then into the deep woods. As the girl in the yellow coat ripped through the woods, going deeper and deeper, her heart sank further and further as she passed the seven sisters, the big dipper and the starlit shadows of the trees, for there was no moon for her eyes to behold. The moon had gone forever, and so had the planets below it. Venus and Jupiter were visible tonight, and she was desperate to see them. If she didn't, if she couldn't, they wouldn't come back for another 50 years... she would have to wait until she was 64. The girl in the yellow coat didn't like this, but she couldn't find a speck of moonlight anywhere. She could see the stars and constellations all fine and good. A crystal tear fell down her cheek on that cold night, as she put her hand on the black bark of one of the trees, bowing her head to the sky in defeat. She slowly walked back towards her house, her head bent down, watching her boots crunch the snow.

Poems by friends

2008-11-30T19:55:00.000-08:00

Sometimes things come to slip away

She knew from the start he couldn’t stay

He was there to show her how to live

But her life was all she had to give

Let her run fast, she will slow

Because we all know she has nowhere to go

See the beating heart give one last beat

Her final breath be just too sweet

----

Kelly... you're an AMAZING writer!! I love this poem... and I bet he does too. <3

----

A sunset on a beach,

The stars in the night sky,

Fireworks erupting,

A small dragonfly,

A nice roaring fire,

In a cabin by a lake,

Drinking hot cocoa,

Seeing a snowflake,

Music from a flute,

The dew on morning grass,

Pretending to be mute,

The beauty of stained glass,

The brushing of fingers

In a theater so dark,

Setting of ringers

In both off their hearts,

Christmas Eve night,

With the lights on so low,

Not feeling the bite

Of the cold winter’s snow,

The thump of two hearts,

As both try not to miss,

These put together

Are the pleasure of one’s first kiss.

------

Lauryn <3>

-----

A glance, a laugh, a secret smile,

I don’t love you…but that’s denial.

It’s true, it’s you, I think I see,

But maybe we weren’t meant to be...

-----

Oh Laura. Its a cute little poem, and i can tell theirs more to it in your head... but its true for thousands of girls... oh but we were meant to be, and I love thee!! Oh wow, talk about Shakespeare language. I'm in a poetic and rhymey mood, I may write some myself. You'll hear from me later!

Ciao!!

I MISS MIDDLE SCHOOL!

2008-11-30T13:14:00.000-08:00

I miss middle school so much. I finally got a Fictionpress account, and looked at my friends Quotebook she wrote while we were in eighth grade. I picked out a particularly funny section from social studies class. It was trivia day. The Me point of view is my friend Lauryn, not my own. Here, for your enjoyment....

156) Me: You are an imbecilic ninny.

157) Hanna: I don’t know. I don’t know where I lived.

158) Me: Syri-who?
Bridget: It’s a country. Syria.
Me: I know it’s a country!

159) Gabe: It’s 8!
Hamre: No!
Mr. Hanson: That’s correct!
Hamre: Oh, just kidding.

160) Bridget: It’s on the border of Greece.
Me: Hee hee, turkey grease.
Bridget: Child, what’s your problem?
Me: Lots of things. I’m gonna Quote that.

161) Workin: It’s 8.
Mr. Hanson: Wrong.
Ahmed: Wow! It’s 6!
Mr. Hanson: It’s 7.

---

162) Bridget: Pol Pot.
Me: Didn’t he walk around in his pajamas?
Bridget: Yeah, he was the crazy guy.
Andrew: The Pot guy. He was the Pot guy.

163) Sarah: Japanese.
Me: Crapanese?
Gabe: Amen. I hate the Japanese. Amen.

164) Nathan: Lauryn, how exactly did the reading describe Pope John Paul II?
Me: Old and dead?

165) Hanna: Did you just say you threw up on a chair?

166) Me: His just happens to be more bigger than others’.
Hanna: “More bigger”?
Me: Shut up!

168) Bridget: Say NO to crack!
Me: Butt crack!
Bridget: (stares)

170) Workin: Because bombs hurt.

171) Me: I love you, Hanna.
Hanna: I love me, too.

172) Hanna: We should walk in the door frames on the first day of school.

174) Me: I’m high! On life!
Me: (maniacal laughter)

175) Bridget: (pokes me)
Me: (moves)
Bridget: You didn’t ‘eep’! You just ruined my day!

176) Bridget: Do you know that you have paperclips in your ears?
Me: Yes, I think I am aware of what I stuck in my ear holes this morning.

177) Bridget: Ooh, you need to Quote that.

178) Me: You guys say a lot of funny shit.

179) Me: I feel sexy. Rawr!

180) Leah: Your mom! Ooooooh!
Me: Up the shut fuck, Leah.

------

My friends are so great. I may go back and grab another chapter or two, because I love people so much. I wish I could go to school with Lauryn for a day. One day that I have off I could totally go to her school and just kind of stalk her. I used to be with all those people. I wonder if some of my not-so-close friends... like Chelsie, or Madi would notice I was there. I bawled my eyes out at the end of sixth grade... and I saw effing NOBODY over the summer.... -sigh- Well, the past is falling behind me now. I have gained another set of friends, another amazing school... a lot of fun people, and a new version of the emotional rollercoaster, with more work than college tossed in to boot. Ahhhh.... we shall see if I survive... good luck to the rest of you... and 26 more days until Chirstmas!! EEP!!

Cheers!!

Short Lived Much?

2008-11-28T09:10:00.000-08:00

Wow. I'm a hypocrite. All that I said about the Holiday Season applies to me as well. Look how fast all that excitement wore off. Christmas is still coming, make no mistake, I'm going to the Christmas Carol with Gaia, I'm making presents for my friends, I still even need to pick out a Christmas outfit. I'm going to Church Christmas Eve, I'm listening to Delilah on 102.9 Lite FM. "All I want for Christmas is you" and so much more....

I got lucky the other day. I went into Forever 21 after we took my sister to the new American Girl place in the MOA, the one that just opened. She got two new outfits, and left a very happy girl. I actually left a very happy gril as well, although my momma dearest didn't plan it that way. I walked into Forever 21 just to look, and I ran into the Slinkards! Emily Slinkard is a grade ahead of me, and she's a really great Softball player. She also was in our pit for The Music Man, which was our Middle School Musical when I was in seventh grade. But, back to Forever 21. When my mom met me in there, she was delighted to talk to Emily's mom Deb for a little while. Then we looked around some together, and we looked on one of the racks in the very back of the extremely un-organized store, and we found the cutest yellow jacket. I tried it on, and it fit perfectly. It might have even been the teeniest bit on the bigger side, which will be good. But it'slined with like, silk and it has a little bit of sweater at the ends of the sleeves and it has cool looking clasps going up the front along with a zipper. Did I already mention its insanely warm? And the mustard yellow color matches every pair of shoes I have, and upon disclaiming this fact, my momther promptly, matter-of-factly reminded me that my coat DID NOT have to match my shoes, but oh what does she know? Enough to get the coat. Hopefully you can all tell I'm extremely happy about it. I also got some cool looking dirty silver bangles.

I think I'm going to break-up with Ricky. He over analyzes things, is verrry full of himself, and he has no idea what "I love you" means. Like, AT ALL!! It drives me NUTS. And when he was at Lucy's party, it was the most awkward thing ever. I wanted to break-up with him... but I didn't have the guts to do it there. I didn't want to ruin the party for the rest of the world. I feel so bad, and like a huge jerk, because he really likes me, but I don't like him. I did it to myself again... I jumped into love with two feet and ruined it. I crushed so hard at first I couldn't see any of his flaws... I have such a problem I'm supposed to call him today. -sigh- ah well.

Ok, I'm off to get ready for the day... I still have homework to do for monday.... -sigh- ah well. That can wait. "There's no place like home for the holidays...."

'Tis... what season exactly?

2008-11-24T16:32:00.000-08:00

Wow. Look at this Blog, all dressed up for Christmas. But its still three days to Thanksgiving. Whats wrong with America? We totally skip over the various seasons, just to get to the parts we like. I mean, truly, stores put out school supplies in August, then Halloween decorations in September, Turkeys on November 1st, and Christmas paraphernalia in November. Why is it all one season? Because America's stupid. So, even though I look forward to Christmas far more than Thanksgiving, I shall make a list of what I like about each, so I don't overlook Thanksgiving to such an extreme extent I actually may get scolded for it.

Thanksgiving. Also known as Turkey Day.
-Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade
-Turkey
-Potatoes
-Beans
-Mom-mom
-Usually the Autumn colors (but not this particular year)
-Football
-Days off from school (this should have been higher on the list)
-Apple Pie (This should have been waaay higher on the list)
-Bonfires
-TV Movie specials
-Cozyness
-Historic value

Christmas, Also known as St. Nicholas's Day
-Tree
-Trimmings
-Music (there really are no good Thanksgiving songs)
-Hollidazzle Parade
-Grammy
-Ugly Sweaters
-Snow
-Bonfires
-TV specials
-Weeks off of school
-Cozyness
-Shopping for Presents
-Getting presents (shameful, I know)
-Apple Pie
-Marshalls Show
-The Christmas Carol at the Guthrie
-Candles
-Gingerbread houses
-Cookies
-Candy Canes

And I'm sure I could go on a little more with each, but I don't feel like it really. I just wish we were all capable of slowing down, that Delilah didn't put on Christmas music until December, and Thanksgiving was un-interrupted by "so what do you want for Christmas?" or "How about the snow?" or "Wow, this Turkey'll last you until Christmas!" No. It may very well... those things are huge, but none of that. We need to sit and enjoy the Turkey (or Tofurky, I forgot about you Veggies out there) on our plates... and the Apple pie to follow.

Love,
Moi

My Reading List - to be finished by Summer 2009

2008-11-19T13:43:00.000-08:00

Reading List-

Poets:
__Robert Frost
__Arthur Rimbaud
__Emily Dickinson
__T.S. Eliot
__Tennyson
__e. e. cummings
__Oscar Wilde
__William Blake
__John Keats
__Eaves of Grass- Walt Whitman
__Byron
__Allen Ginsburg
__Sylvia Plath
__Shelley
__John Milton
__Alexander Pope

Books:
__Pride and Prejudice
__Wuthering Heights
__Great Gatsby
_x_To Kill A Mockingbird
__Lord of the Flies
__A Separate Peace
_x_Midsummer Night’s Dream
__Romeo & Juliet
__Christmas Carol
__ Inferno (Dante)
__Ivanhoe
_x_Animal Farm (Orwell)
__Emma*
_x_Jane Eyre (Bronte)
__Great Expectations (Dickens)
__Sophie’s World*
__The Grapes of Wrath (Steinbeck)
__The Catcher in the Rye (J.D. Salinger)
__Hamlet*
__Gulliver’s Travels (Swift)
__1984 (Orwell)
_x_Robinson Crusoe (Defoe)
__Moby Dick (Melville)
_x_Tom Sawyer (Twain)
_x_Huckleberry Finn*
__Villette*
__ Lolita (Nabokov)
__Sense and Sensibility*
__The Iliad (Homer)
__The Odyssey*
__ Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire (Gibbon)
__The Aeneid (Virgil)
__A Tale of Two Cities*
__Les Miserables
__Macbeth*
__Tess of the d’Ubervilles (Hardy)
__War and Peace*
__Uncle Tom’s Cabin (Stowe)
__Oliver Twist*
__War of the Worlds*
__The Mill on the Floss*
__Hard Times (Dickens)
__Vanity Fair (Thackeray)
__Le Morte D’Arthur*
__Dracula (Stoker)
__Utopia (More)
__The Rights of Man (Paine)
__The Scarlet Letter (Hawthorne)
__ Divine Comedy (Dante)
__To the Lighthouse (Woolf)
__Catch-22 (Heller)
__Plato’s Republic
__The Awakening (Chopin)
__Things Fall Apart (Achebe)
__Canterbury Tales (Chaucer)
__Anna Karenina (Tolstoy)
__Beowulf
__Frankenstein (Mary Shelley)
__Madame Bovary (Flaubert)
__The Picture of Dorian Grey (Wilde)
__A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man (Joyce)
__Tao Te Ching (Lao Tzu)
__The Temple of the Golden Pavilion (Mishima)
__Crime and Punishment (Dostoevsky)
__Arabian Nights*
_x_Edgar Allen Poe
__The Audacity of Hope*
__Invisible Man (Wells)
__The Old Man and the Sea (Hemmingway)
__Great Expectations (Dickens)
__20,000 Leagues Under the Sea (Verne)
__Middlemarch (Elliot)
_x_Treasure Island (Stevenson)
__A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court (Clemens)
__The Red Badge of Courage (Crane)

Grandpa?

2008-11-14T21:07:00.000-08:00

You taught my uncle to swing a bat, and coached his team with pride. But at the end of they day, was all you thought that you needed to get away? You worked all day and still had time for this play.... would it have been to painful to stay?

When my mom was a cheerleader grandma watched her with pride. She cheered her heart out, for this special guy. She was sore after practice, but she gave it hr heart. But when you left her in the door, she knew you would never to come around any more.

As far as your baby, she loved her stuffed animals. All day she would go, dressing them up and acting a show. But when you told her mom no mam, and left her then without a damn, baby never knew you meant the end, that she may never hear your name again.

My mother never talked about you, until we were told you had died. A sad story sir, but I can't say you tried. When we covered all the expenses, i found this out about you. I never really missed you, but I wish I'd seen you smile. Maybe then, I would have been sad a little while. It hurts me so sir, to say I didn't know you, but its not just my mom's fault, its your very own too.

I can't say that I love a man who never was mentioned to me. I have one old picture of you Sir, and i guess that's all I'll ever see.

A MAJOR STRESSACHE

2008-11-11T21:09:00.000-08:00

First you should know a 'stressache' is my word for a stress induced headache. And man I have a BIG ONE. I'll start out with the bad.... and work my way into the better. The worst right now is, I have a Chinese test on Friday... I'm so unprepared its not even funny. And she told us our final will be between 10-12 pages long. "one sided, for god sake" but still. I'm freakin' out a litt- a lot. -sigh- and my temples are pounding. I have a meeting with Mr. James tomorrow, a little book talk a little school talk and a little bit of just plain chatting. I have Physics, Service, English, Ars Nova and History tomorrow... I love Wendsdays.... and I HATE Thursdays. I get Performance Physiology, Math (with my lovely creeper teacher...), my free period (which is the ONLY good part of my day) and Chinese. And each of them for 70 minutes. Do you know how hard it is to survive 70 minutes of a class you don't even like? I bet you do... everyone has their class...

Ricky was as sweet as ever today, after no more than five minutess of us talking on Facebook he noticed I was in a funny mood. He knew something was bothering me.... he's so good. Ahbviously, my chinese test. But I really do worry about him. He had dry land today for hockey.... and he's got a cough. He's on meds, but I don't notice them helping too much. He asks me not to worry all the time, but I can't help it. I worry because I care. Would he rather me care less? I doubt it...

Ok... if my head pounds any harder I'll be seeing double...

But on a final happy note, we got snow today. Snow that is staying. Icy, non-sticky snow, but snow all the same. It looked so pretty falling from the sky... it was really nice. It made me feel a little better.

Ok, I'm going to bed.
Goodnight Ricky.
Sleep well... please?

A Letter to a Young Girl (A Prelude)

2008-11-10T19:20:00.000-08:00

Dear Mili,

I'm sure you have gone walking in the woods or in green meadows, and passed a clear, flowing brook. And you've tossed a flower into that brook, a red one, a blue one, a snow-white one. It drifted away, and you followed it with your eye as far as you could. And it went quietly away with the little waves, farther and farther, all day long and all night too, by the light of the moon or the stars. It didn't need much light, for it new the way and it didn't get lost. When it had traveled for three days without stopping to rest, another flower came along on another brook. A child like you, but far far away from here, had tossed it into a brook at the same time, The two flowers kissed, and went their way together and stayed their way together until they sank to the bottom. You have also seen a little bird flying over the mountain in the evening. Perhaps you thought it was going to bed; not at all, another little bird was flying over the mountains, and when all was dark on earth, the two of them met in the last ray of sunshine. The sun shone bright on their feathers, and as they flew back and forth in the light they they told each other many things that we on the earth below could not hear. You see, the brooks and the flowers and the birds come together, but people do not; great mountains and rivers, forests and meadows, cities and villages lie in between, they have their set places and cannot be moved, and humans cannot fly. But one human heart goes out to another, undeterred by what lies in between. Thus does my heart go out to you, and though my eyes have not seen you yet, it loves you and thinks it is sitting beside you. And you say: "Tell me a story." and it replies, "Yes, dear Mili, just listen."

-A letter to a young girl from Wilhelm Grimm. c. 1816

Happy and Sad

2008-11-09T12:03:00.000-08:00

Ok, well I guess this weekend's been kinda huge. Ok, I don't guess, I know. I met this really amazing guy over Halloween... and well... start from the beginning. So, on Halloween, I went to over to Trevor's with Talia for a party, and I didn't know a few of the kids there... Mostly guys. I Facebooked all of them, and i started chatting it up with one of them... a guy named Ricardo. Then this weekend, my friend Annika had a movie marathon over at her house. I had been talking to Ricardo over the week... and he was there. I guess we just kind of clicked.

No, i didn't kiss him. Number One reason, I promised my mom I wouldn't kiss anyone. Number Two reason, he was a little sick. No, not like perverted kind of sick, but like I have an upset stomach kind of sick. I guess I kind of, took care of him for the first part of the night... then during the second he asked me out. XD I know right? He's really sensative, intellegent, sweet, kind, and he like, understands the way my mind works. Which is a rare find, believe me. Oh, and also, he happens to be the cutest thing on two feet!! I really really like him... but I'm worried. I'm staying over at my friend's house next weekend... all weekend... so I won't see him unless someone has a party and invites all three of us. I should start begging Trevor. -sigh- I feel so bad. He doesn't know abptu the complexities in my life, and I can't tell him without breaking my promise to one of my best friends. Oh my god... I'm geting like, anxiety attacks. I want to tell him, but I don't know exactly how he'd take it, and he probably wants a girlfriend that he'll see more often than me. We don't even go to the same school. Ricky goes to EPHS, and I go to Breck. I miss him when he's not here.... I don't know if he misses me, but thats ok. I don't really expect too much out of a guy. I don't know what is wrong with me sometimes... and writing it all out like this is strangely comforting. Funny, how platering your innermost thoughts on the Internet makes one feel better. Yet it does. Its like talking to people...

-sigh-

Well I have Chinese homework to finish.... I dislike that so much...
Lots of Love,
Me

Well... America's finally done it..

2008-11-05T14:12:00.000-08:00

Well. Guess what? America just elected her 44th President last night. Yeah, he's a democrat. His name is Barack Obama, and he is black. He is America's first black President. I think the impact of that... its finally actually hit me. He's been campaigning for so long, I've become used to his face everywhere. On the news, on the posters, on the buttons, just... everywhere. But it never really hit me... the man is black. He's BLACK. 100 years ago he woudl ahve been shot! Even now, there are rumors circulating abotu assasination attempts. I am not a democrat, and had they decided 14 yer olds were old enough to vote, I would have voted for John McCain, our Republican Candidate, even thought I hated his running mate, who would have been the first woman vice-president. I think John McCain would have won if he had not picked Sarah Palin as his VP. Why? Because she's a DITZ. Honestly Palin? "I can see Russia from my house!" Uh-huh. Rii-ght. I don't care if yu were the Governer of Alaska. You are raising a baby with Downs Syndrome, your seventeen year old daughter is pregnant, and you simply would have to choose. And no citizen in the US wants either your option A, to be yoru definiton of a good VP, or your option B, to be a good mother. You cannot be both. It simply cannot work that way, because they are both FULL TIME JOBS.

Also, I have just read so much poetry I think my brain has started to Ooze out of my ears, because I simply am too tired to focus anymore. And oh, guess what else? I have a meeting with our admissions director. What a sight to present to him in... EEEEE!!! 5 MINUTES!!! Ok, I'll go now.

Hasta Luego

Poetry: A Poem

2008-11-03T11:34:00.001-08:00

I write and
The sea parts way
To golden gates
And I hold the inky key,
leaving fingerprints behind
for all to read.
Smudging all the fine
glory of the gate with
the stains of our
imperfect society as I
throw it all behind me,
Behind me to the past.

My spirit follows the
pen like a ghost across
the dark winding circle
of words… but what are
words?

What is this?
What do these mean?
Why letters?
Why not numbers?
What are numbers?
Why?
How?
Who?
Now, just feelings.
Words… aside from
lacking meaning, words
are limited.
Words are constricting.

Said the boa to the
small rabbit as he
swallowed her whole,
her white cotton ball
tail poking out of his
mouth in a gloat to all
others watching.
A warning that he indeed
was the one with might,
the one that no one
should dare to challenge.

Even through this
idealess rant,
My every feeling is to be pressed on paper,
Like a forgotten Autumn
In more than memory
And I write it all down
And I can fly to the
moon on golden wings
I can dance with the
stars in silver shoes,
Spinning gracefully
across the Milky Way,
Graceful pirouettes swirling the stars about
me, and so I acquire
cloak of constellations.
Who whisper their wisdom to me as I lay
asleep, a queen of the
night and the sky.

I write the dreams on
your hand,
And I look down into your eyes and give you
the gift of time.
Letting you grow and play before you must
face the joker,
Who laughs and jests
and mocks you to the
end, swallowing you
whole into the fiery
depths of hell,
Never to return again.
But I,
I can sing my way over
the ocean
Where I can walk on
the water
Be the next Prophet and
perform miracles and
tell it like it was. Like it
sill could be.
Tell it like I should, like
all mortals should see.

Until next time
Maybe next time
I’ll have better words
to write
Better constrictions to
give,
Better thoughts to say,
Instead of a
Poem
About
Poetry…

Stuck in the Middle with too Little of Both

2008-11-02T19:47:00.000-08:00

Yeah. I suppose I should make it plain and clear right away that I came to this High School, this year, 9th grade, without knowing a single person. I met a few girls at Volleyball, and I kind of clicked in with them, but what do you know, I think my closest friend is someone I didn't know right away. But lately... lately I feel sort-of... left out. On both sides.

I'll check the albums my friends from my old school make on Facebook... and I'll see how much awesome fun they're having and I'll think... why wasn't I invited? Where was I Friday night? And then I'll remember... Oh, yeah, I was free. And forgotten. Big Time.

OR, I'll see the albums that my new friends put up, of them chilling during study hall or out after school doing something. I'll think then, why wasn't I included? Where was I? Oh yeah, I was doing homework, or sitting at home... free. Free and forgotten... majorly.

I don't know about my new friends, I mean, I haven't known them very long and I'm still the new girl, so they have an excuse... the excuse of not wanting the new girl, even though they say they love me. But my old friends... that just hurts. I mean it really stings. They say they'd never forget me, and they they'll see me as often as they can, but... the last time I saw everyone... (and not even everyone, half of them were somewhere else, with "no way to get there!") was on Halloween night, at Trevor's Party. And granted, it was so great to be there, and see some of them, but honestly... I was mad some of them weren't there. I mean, really guys.

If you don't want me anymore just say so....

Some of you have been great, on both sides, I shouldn't leave you out. I love you Lauryn, Hanna, Annah, and Alex (even thought you were one of the ones with "no way to get there!!" Its ok) from my old school. You guys were the best and still are the best... I hope I never lose you... and from Breck, Georgia, Gaia, Talia and Abby. I'll see you guys Monday and thatnks for excepting me, your little charity case!

I'm ging to bed now... It doesn't feel like 10, it feels more like 11... stupid daylight savings time... At least I get another hour of sleep....

'Night world

Untitled Poetry

2008-11-01T20:00:00.001-07:00

As it is raining cats and dogs outside,
And you hear the cries of pain,
There are soldiers wounded in the street,
You can see the driving rain.

As the heavens cried on the streets of the city,
And blood stained the cold stone streets,
The wind tousled the hair of the dead,
And the spray brushed dirt off their feet.

The trees were bent to the side in resistance,
And the buildings at beck and call,
And with the people all locked up inside,
The elements continued their squall.

The battle had run on and on,
And then the storm had come,
The storm a mightier force than all,
Its thunder a sounding drum.

Because peace is nigh impossible,
Don’t we all know this?
Because it’s just not possible,
I’ll say that ignorance is bliss.

When everyone else goes running,
And a brave few stand their ground,
It’s those few seconds that really count,
But the debate is still around.

The Soldiers won’t agree with me,
They fight for what is right,
But which side am I talking about?
Well, they all have died tonight.

Chinese... ugh.

2008-10-31T23:01:00.000-07:00

I feel so tired. I have rhyme to memorize for Chinese... -hmmm- this is not a desirable combination. I have the first part of each line memorized... but I NEED to finish this now... I didn't do my math homework... but we got away with it... I only have three people in my Math class. We're smart :) The teacher? Not so much. But that's ok... its still nice that we can do that to him... even though he scared the s**t out of Taylor with his creepy wolf mask... I have to say, SO FUNNY!! I feel bad for her, because Austin got contacts that look like lizards eyes, and he scared her so bad with them... SO FUNNY, again. She keeps screaming at him, telling him not to look at her. Ok, enough of this, I actually have to do my homework... I'll let you know how my night was tomorrow... Since I know you're all dying to hear...

Happy Halloween Everyone!!
BOO!

2008-10-31T11:08:00.001-07:00

Old Poetry

2008-10-30T16:27:00.000-07:00

Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.

-Robert Frost

Fire or Ice? An age-old question. Which will it be? Will the earth corrupt itself in the myriad of hot and hellish ways of fire, or shall it die of the cold, leaving its solidified corpse to rot in the frozen Milky Sea that we call outer space? His work poses much room for discussion, and he has an opinion on each option, as which would be likely and which would be nice... I merely hope I do not live to see the end of the world, or weather it will be in fire or ice. I feel as though I have known his works all my life. Its like knowing the names Huck Finn and Tom Sawyer, or Heidi and Black Beauty as a fourth grader. I really like him, and I like Emily Dickinson as well. For those of you who are unfamiliar, here's one.

Hope is the thing with feathers,
that perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
and never stops at all,

And in the sweetest gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.

I've heard it in the chillest land,
And on the strangest sea;
Yet never, in extremity,
Did it ask a crumb of me.

-Emily Dickinson

I think of this and believe this is why the caged bird sings, because he is the very symbol of freedom, the flight and soaring of an eagle with outstretched wings coasting over the world is freedom. To be untamed and wild, to do what you please, to be heard anywhere and to think what you want. He is the thing the slaves would watch in the sky, and it would put a smile on their faces before their supervisor whipped them, making them work, their chances of freedom fading with their youth. The dove gave Noah hope that he would not float in his strange sea forever, that there was the promised land out there somewhere. The dove is a symbol of peace and calm, with its snow white feathers and graceful movements its like an angel bird. Its grace, wonder, light, and freedom all in one innocent small bird. Dickinson proves that even the smallest thing is significant, and believing in something like hope, or freedom, or even the wonder of the bird outside your bathroom window that sings to you every morning, can brighten your day, and to cage something like that is an absolute sin, because even the uplifting call of hope that soars out of a mockingbird's mouth... does not require a thing except a pair of ears to listen and enjoy. I love Emily Dickinson...

This made me feel so great... I love poetry...

The Philidelphia Phillies

2008-10-29T21:10:00.000-07:00

OMG, this is Historic. And we know I love OMG moments. This is my biggest OMG moment since 9/11!! THE PHILLIES WON THE SERIES!!! Not that I had any doubt in Chase Utley from the beginning, I loved the players reactions as that final strike was tossed! The entire stadium jumped to their feet, roaring and screaming!! It was the coolest thing! I wish I was there so badly! We called my uncle, who lives outside of Philly, but he was asleep. He's a construction worker, so he had to get up early. I bet he's gonna hear at work tomorrow though, he didn't need me to leave him that spastic messgae. -blushes and laughs- but thats ok.

This was the first world series ever to be rained out! It was rained out at the bottom of the fifth on Tuesday October 27th, and the players got 1 1/2 days off until it picked up again tonight. It was so incredible to know that... I was alive during that peice of history, its something I might live to tell my grandkids... This is such a cool feeling....

Things are Upsetting Me

2008-10-28T19:36:00.000-07:00

Stevie makes me angry.

He is making me angry, angry, angry, angry, angry and more angry!
He is so in love. It was so cute at first, because they were indeed in love, that irrevocable, unbelievable kind of love that you don't understand unless you've felt it. I've been very in love with someone before. Very very in love. But he refuses to accept that I understand. he insists I won't unless I'm God. For all he knows I am God. Why can't he grasp the concept? Just because I'm four years younger than him does not mean that I don't get how in love he is. I understand. I really do. I also understand that they have something special. I truly do. Every couple has something special, and every love is unique. Stevie and Angi are unique, because they're both wonderful human beings. I know I'm not, but I do have a huge capacity for understanding... if anyone's willing to explain. And under the definitions he gave me, I know I understand.

Another thing that makes me angry is math homework.

"The urge to scream tells me I'm in Algebra." Again, my friends are the best. I really do't like my math teacher and I really don't like Math in general. I've never been good at it, and according to all of those usless standardized tests I have horrible number sense. Which prevented me from emeorizing my basic facts as a child. Which just made my math career go puhquish! glub glub glub.... (down the toilet) I have math homework to do. 20 questions. I just really hate it... and the man who teaches it!!

It angers me that I'm becoming heavy.

I'm gaining weight, because I'm eating the same as always, I've stopped growing, and I've not been exercizing as much as I should, or did, this summer. We have a weight room at Breck (my school), but the football players use it and, well, no offense, I'm nto eaxctly going to work out with them.... even tho Kuper's on the team and coudl possibly save me from some tourture, I'm ot willing to risk it.

I have some Cs. That makes me angry.

I cannot stand to have any grade less than a B- I can't. My brain just numbs out and i can't focus on anythign after that. I get extremely pissed and I have touble focusing, more likely bringing it down further. First Quarter I had no missing assignments, and I don't so far either. I'm crossing my fingers it stays that way.

My grandpa has cancer again. That makes me angry.

My pop-pop has cancer again. He already cured himself of it before by taking sixty, seventy sets of pills a day. It was horrible to see him have one separate bag coming off the airplane filled with little plastic white jars of pills pills and more pills. His cancer count went from some thousand to one or two by the time he was done. It just shot up again, and he's trying to cure hmself again, and he's optamistic, but I'm angry. I'm angry that he has to deal with this, angry that he lives in a house all by himself out East in Brigantine. I'm angry that he and Gram divorced. I hate him living alone. I hate that he's going to die. I hate that he has to try so hard. I hate that he has so many health problems. Why do some people go out of their life in... pain?

Oh well... that made me feel a little better...
I'm lucky its a Wednsday tomorrow...
They're the best days of the week.

Halloween Thoughts

2008-10-28T16:23:00.000-07:00

3 days until Halloween!! Which means so many things for so many people.

For Stevie, it means Valleyscare and seeing his girlfriend, whom he loves very very much, but does not get to see... because they are both still in High School, as I am, but she lives four hours North. When he's sad, I'm sad. No one wants to be sad.

For my friend Talia, it means she gets to give out candy with me at the neighbors, go trick-or-treating (pray we don't get shot with BB guns... I know people who would!) and hit the party scene until Midnight, then wake up to get taken to Martial Arts in the morning.

For Brian, it means going party hopping to see me... does he really want to? Does he still have the same feelings for me that I have for him? He broke up with me because I transferred schools... does he still think of me like he once may have? I wish I could read minds for just one night...I miss that boy so dearly. He has no idea.

For Shane, it means speeding through his buddy Jacob's neighborhood to get as much candy as he can fit into his pillowcase, and beating my dad back to Jacob's house for hot chocolate, dinner, whatever sport's on TV and a blanket. Ahhh...

For Hanna, it means giving out candy for half the night, hiding in her room with her dog Bilbo for the duration of her parents not-so-dry Halloween Party, and meeting me at Trevor's house. I miss her very much as well, even though i still hear her voice at least once a week. I do hope High School gets better girl... I pray for you.

For Maggie, oh Maggie, It means walking around our neighborhood, still getting spooked when owls hoot or if an orange moon happens to appear. It means taking her little friend Caylie and meandering around the curves of the street to get candy from the houses and then to come home to a hot dinner, a fire and a candy swapping bonanza. She hates Almond Joys.

For Lauryn, it means being stuck at home all night with her big dog Murphy, giving candy and complimenting that little Power Ranger or that ghost or that cute little fairy princess. We freshmen are all condemned to go no further than our doorsteps in this brutal world. We all have to mature at some time or another.... my time has not come yet. I flip flop.

For Ellen, it means being not-so-nice and pouring fake blood all over her beautiful face. She's haunting this Hallows eve with her friends... is she hurting too? So much has gone awry in her life... her parents divorce, their fighting, her mother's almost re-mairrage, the deaths of pets, and the touch we almost lost.... I love you Ella.

For me, its all of these things. I'll be thinking of you all, wishing for you all, praying for you all, crying for you all... all of you who I wish to enjoy life with forever. I'll see some of you on the 31st, and to those of you I don't, have a wonderful Halloween. I love you.

Wow...

2008-10-27T20:28:00.001-07:00

Wow. Well, I'll tell you now world. This is my first blog entry.... ever.
I'll also tell you I'm not too sure what exactly I'd like to say.
How about I'll tell you a little bit about me?

First, I'm short. Shortness runs in my family, my only goal in life as a little girl was to be taller than my 5' 1 1/2" mother. My father I never hoped to pass, in his enormous 6' 1" glory. But now, as i sit before you a 5' 1 5/8" freshman, I have achieved my goal.

My favorite things flip flop around like crazy. If you asked me a week ago, my favorite color was purple. Now its red, which usually makes it into the mix at least once a month. My favorite thing to do right now if probably flirt and talk to my friends, since I am a freshman at a new High School, with a bunch of people (boys) I've never met before, and its a lot of fun... because they don't know all my embarrassing moments unless I tell them. One of which involves a mud puddle, a very loud vacuum and a trip to the emergency room.... never mind. I'm sure I'll get to that another day. My favorite animal will always be my puppy, a little black Cockapoo (a mix between a Cocker Spaniel and a Poodle) that we got 4 months ago. His name is Sota. My favorite book series will always be the series about the intrepid female pirate, Jacky Faber. Its ranked even higher on my list than the Twilight Saga, which means its worth checking out. My favorite food is whatever I'm in the mood for, which this afternoon at school was french fries. Thank you, Sammy, for sharing with me! Love you Boy!

Here is how my biological family works. I have a mom, a dad, a little sister Maggie, and a little brother, Shane.

Here is how my non-biological fmaily works. I have two big brothers, Stevie and Kuper. I like to call Kuper by his last name, which is Kuper. I have three sisters who are my age, Lauryn, Annah and Hanna, who are my nearest and dearest friends. I have a brother my age as well, named Alex, who is as pale as a vampire, geeky as hell, smart as Einstein, and always made me feel so short, until I met Kuper and Stevie. That just crossed the ine in the sand right there. We have no parents.... and thank God!

I spend my free time here, at the keyboard of my Mac, also referred to as my baby. It is important that you know this because no, I do not have a real baby and do not plan on one anytime soon... I'm thinking fifteen years. I'm fourteen now. But, we'll see what my husband thinks. I also like to sit outside and paint or write when it's nice out... also known as "not fourty f**king below in stupid f**king October!!" I love my friends. I love poetry, breezes, short stories, Ars Nova, pictures of things, English literature, American history, New England, painting, the ocean, alone time, inside jokes, being loud, being obnoxious, arguing (when I'm right), OMG moments, flirting, laughing, having a great time, and shopping.

I look like a mouse. I am short, as I have mentioned before, and I have wavy brown hair that is at my shoulders. I have horrible posture, and I'm working on it, because it makes my stomach look even larger than it actually is. I weigh from 110-120 pounds, and for 5' 1 5/8" thats not too good. I have a few zits, but thats because of my period. Icky, right girls? I have brown eyes and long, thick, dark, real eyelashes that my mother constantly is asking to borrow. Which is soo not going to happen. I like to wear sweatshirts with thumbholes, but my mother doesn't like it when I do that, so I settle for normal ones. I wear jeans and converse, Ugg boots, Birkenstocks and Rocket Dogs and I'm working my way around to get a pair of Ed Hardy sneaks.... -sigh- I so wish I owned a money tree.

You guys know an awful lot about me now, so I'm going to see if I can fiddle around with this blog some more... We'll talk again soon...